Posted in Adoption, Budgeting, Couponing, Everyday, Health, Homeschooling, Inspirational Thoughts, Marriage, Medical, Once a Month Cooking, Organization, Saving Money, Truth and Honesty

Operation “Get Life Together”

Operation “Get Life Together” is underway.  Here is a bit of what all has been going on the last week or two…..

  • Scheduled:  Dental appointment!  This is HUGE because I do not like the dentist, but my teeth do not like me.  It is what it is.  I have had a toothache for a while and because I CHOSE not to do anything about it (excuses:  time, money, don’t want too, doesn’t hurt that bad, blah blah blah), I now have 2 choices…1) get it pulled (insurance pays) or 2) have a root canal (insurance DOES NOT pay).  I also have to have a wisdom tooth out and some cavities to be filled.  As good as I am brushing, my mouth has always been full of cavities (maybe its genes maybe it is lots o candy).  Anyhow, I have my appointment made for my extraction or root canal.  I got them cleaned.  I also have 2 other appointments I need to make and then I will be caught up with my mouth!  Yay me!  And because I’m awesome, I went ahead and scheduled 5 of my 7 kids an appointment for their teeth to be cleaned.  Yes, I’m a rockstar, I know.
  • Scheduled:  Mammogram!  Girls…take care of your boobies!!!!!!!!!!!!  Breast Cancer is curable if it is caught early!  Now that I’ve said that, I will say that it has been 5 years since I had my last one (practice what you preach, I know).  It was also scheduled for today….which I had to cancel because I didn’t want to take the 3 little boys to this appointment and I had no one else to watch them.  I did reschedule for the week after next. I will be keeping that one!
  • Scheduled:  Papsmear!  Girls…..take care of your girly bits!!!!!!!!!  Is it fun?  Heck no.  Is it necessary?  YES!  I did go, but to my chagrin, I was late and I had started my period.  Good times were had by all.  The nurse and doctor sat down with me and we discussed life, my body, what the problems were, etc.  We have a game plan and I have a new appointment on the 25th of August.  I will be getting my bloodwork done (haven’t done that in about 3 years), I will be doing a urine test, an ultrasound on my insides, a hysteroscopy (they scrape the inside of your uterus) and a papsmear.  Getting it all done in one day (I may throw in a tattoo for good measures cause it is right across the street).  Once all of this is done and the results come in, I will be getting a hysterectomy, a bladder sling, and my girl parts fixed.  I am stoked.
  • Scheduled:  Hunter’s OMS follow up appointment and his Pediatric Opthamology appointment.
  • Need to schedule:  eyeballs for all.
  • I have begun working on our ZERO based budget plan and will do a follow up of that when Big Daddy and I sit down and write it all out.
  • We have discussed our debt and how we are getting out of it.  We are on the same page.
  • I have *not* been to the gym yet.
  • I have a goal of getting back into the swing of going to church on Wednesday nights.
  • I have begun a “for me” project…more to come on that.
  • I rocked the freezer meals.  I went and bought our groceries back around a month ago and we still have a good month left of freezer meals….it will last us almost 2 mths!  We have only had to go to the grocery one time (for lunch items and some breakfast stuff).  I spent about $550 on that July trip and we are still going strong.
  • Get my freezer meal ideas on paper
  • Cleaned my room!
  • Organized the laundry room
  • Organized/cleaned the garage
  • Made my purse emergency kit
  • Made my van emergency kit

I’m rocking it all out.  If you would like any info on organization, cleaning, the kits I’ve made, meal planning, etc….drop me a comment below.  I’m considering doing a video on some of these things to help with those who are visual, like me LOL

Posted in Budgeting, Couponing, Health, Homeschooling, Inspirational Thoughts, Marriage, Medical, My Lady, Once a Month Cooking, Organization, Saving Money, Truth and Honesty

Enough is Enough

Tonight, I had this overwhelming feeling of being suffocated by debt.  I hate that feeling. I hate the fact that I am a slave to money.  That is not how it is supposed to be.  When we moved into this house, about 10 years ago…we had no debt (other than our previous house).  We do not do the whole credit card thing (learned our lesson from that), we didn’t have new furniture…if we did, we paid cash for it.  Our cars were paid for, no student loans…nothing.

Now…..shazaam……we have a van payment, a student loan, an equity loan, another type of loan, a house loan, medical bills, bills from where things have broken and they have to be fixed.  It could be worse.  I know that, but I feel like, right now, this is worse because I know better.  I know what Jesus teaches us and instead of walking that narrow path that He chose for us….we saw the bright shiny-ness of the wider road and we took it.  Now, we are standing on the little strip of dirt between the wide road and the narrow road.  I equate it, in my mind, as those little pieces of dirt between the different lanes of the interstate.  Where it is posted no U turn.  That is where we are standing.  The wide road is so shiny and it is filled with new vehicles, coach bags, sports obligations, vacations, and movies.  The narrow road is not so shiny, but it is being protected, from the elements, by these beautiful weeping willow trees.  It is filled with discipline, being trusted with little, tithing, paying cash, not serving two masters.

I am over it.  I am ready to walk on that narrow road…not sure if Big Daddy is, but I also know he is tired of it too.  This is scary.  It is a hard road.  We’ve walked on that road.  We’ve made sacrifices.  We succeeded.  We can and we will, in the Name of Jesus, succeed again.  It is time to hand over this endeavor and because we are so weak…..we need to lean on Him because He is SO strong.  He is our Strong Tower.

Another issue that we have given lip service too is our health/weight.  We are fat.  We are fat people.  We are not fluffy.  We are not round around the edges.  We are not jolly.  We are fat.  Straight up.  Our health sucks.  We get winded walking up the steps to the bedroom.  Big Daddy can’t hardly walk because of pain.  We have purposed, for years, that the next year will be the year.  It is the magical year we get fit.  We give it a week…we only lose 4 lbs of pee weight and we are done.  We want a double quarter pounder super sized with a coke the size of my face and a side of a double decker death by chocolate cake.

I am over it.  Done.  Just done.  I do not want to give the illusion that we eat crap all the time.  Frankly, I do not buy sweets (now there are other people in my house that do, then eat it all in one sitting). I do drink coke.  I am going to try and cut that down to 1 a day.  We only drink water.  I cook with tons of veggies.  We do not eat much bread or pasta.  We are fruit eaters…..we do not do things badly BUT we are completely inactive and we do not blink if we want to eat out…we eat out. So, we are affecting our health and our finances by poor choices along those wide roads.

I will be documenting our journey of getting out of debt and getting this fat off of us.  You are welcome to follow along.  You can subscribe to my blog >>>>>>>>in this side bar>>>>.  You can also follow me on any social media platform (also on that side bar).  If you have suggestions, by all means, give them too me.  Suggestions on stay at home jobs, how to make some extra money on the side, healthy recipes, or exercises.  Anything.  I am open.

Here’s to having my belly full of ENOUGH.

Onward and upward.

Posted in Everyday, Health, Homeschooling, Inspirational Thoughts, Marriage, Medical, My Lady, Once a Month Cooking, Organization, Truth and Honesty

Motivation Monday

This funk has GOT to go….so go it will.  As my Lady always says “pull yourself up and get outta that pit.”  With that being said….I’ve got things to do, places to go, and people to see!

  • Get thank you cards mailed
  • Email G her letter from the kids
  • Make a dentist appt for me and Noah
  • Make dentist appts for the three younger boys
  • Reschedule eye appt.
  • Schedule ACT for Noah
  • Let him drive (insert me vomiting)
  • Pack for Lville and our next drs appt
  • Call dr with update on Hunter
  • Wear makeup
  • Work on Family calendar
  • Pull some homeschooling stuff together
  • Get my letter of intent finished
  • Call OT to cancel appt
  • Reschedule said appt
  • Clean my bedroom
  • Go through and super clean the boys’ rooms cause there is a nasty smell that, frankly, scares me.
  • Call my mama
  • Go see V’s new apartment
  • Set my month’s goals (yes, we are 1/2 way into July but why wait)
  • Start my Bible reading again
  • Clean of and prepare homeschool computers and tablets
  • Read to my baby
  • Finish Freezer cooking
  • Baseball……….Baseball………….and more baseball
  • Go and see my Lady.

This season has sucked.  This year has sucked.  I have not enjoyed any of 2017 and not a whole heck of a lot of enjoyment was had in 2016 LOL.  What holds me together is knowing that known of this surprises Jesus.  He has got all of this.  He has my family.  He knows the beginning from the end.  I just have to buckle in and deal with the twists and turns of the rollercoaster I have been living on for the last year or so.

Time to live.  Time to breathe.  Time for a new season of life.  Time for new beginnings…..this is where Eccl. 3 comes into play.

Ecclesiastes 3 (NLT)

A Time for Everything

For everything there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
    A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
    A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
    A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
    A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
    A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
    A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
    A time for war and a time for peace.

What do people really get for all their hard work? 10 I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. 11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. 12 So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. 13 And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.

14 And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him. 15 What is happening now has happened before, and what will happen in the future has happened before, because God makes the same things happen over and over again.

Posted in Adoption, Health, Inspirational Thoughts, Medical, Truth and Honesty

The Rogue Zebra Has Been Caught and Named

After almost 2 weeks of being in the hospital and having every single test run on him, we were beginning to feel the effects.  I was blessed by so much.  We had great nurses, attentive doctors…my sister arranged for her friends to bring us food and snacks.   My niece came visited, gave me breaks, brought food and toys.  My daughter came up and brought me coke and toys for the baby.  My uncle’s wife came bearing TONS of food and toys for Hunter.  I was blessed.  We continue to be blessed BUT we wanted a diagnosis.  We wanted answers.

Why was he shaking so violently?

Why were his eyes twitching all over?

Why is he sleeping so much/not sleeping at all?

Why couldn’t he walk?

Why did he scream when I stood him up?

Was he in pain?

Why couldn’t he sit up?

Why did he lean to the left, so bad, that I had to barricade him in?

Why couldn’t he chew/swallow?

Why?  Why?  Why?

I got him in the floor and we went for our daily “let’s make our legs work” walks around the nurses station.  While we were walking, we saw Dr. Sweeney and his team powwowing about our case.  I told them all not to talk to him or make direct eye contact because now, he was terrified of all people in scrubs, with white coats, or stethoscopes.  Everyone just kept on talking and while they were talking, they were watching. We had to walk in between the doctors to get through, so it gave everyone a great idea of who he is progressing or regressing.

Hunter noticed Dr. Sweeney and he stopped and spoke to him.  He told him that he liked him and he needed to come and visit him sometime (cue heart melting)….it took him a while to get that sentence out because his voice quivers and he has to really think about his words before they come out of his mouth.  Dr. Sweeney said that he was on the way and by the time we got to our room, he would be right behind us.

So, we headed back to our room.  We made it to the chairs outside of our room because when we approached our door…he began to cry saying he wanted to go home and not go in there anymore.  Broke my heart.  I didn’t know what to tell him.  We parked outside the room and watched the people walk by to help ease him.

Dr. Sweeney and his crew came up and I told him of his regressions and that by the third high dose steroid, he had stopped tremor-ing so badly, but that he is sort of stalled.  He still struggles with walking and his eyes were everywhere.  With his symptoms list, with his regressions, with his body’s response to the steroids…Dr. Sweeney was completely confidant in diagnosing him.  He said that the entire neuro team had gotten together, that morning, and reviewed everything, and collectively, they came up with this diagnosis.

Hunter has Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome or Dancing Eyes Dancing Feet Syndrome. These are a good set of videos as to how Hunter is right now.  It documents the truncal ataxia, the walking, the rages, fine and gross motor skills.  Click HERE to view them all, if you are interested.  It is INCREDIBLY rare.  There is not enough known about it to have a cure, so this is something he will have for the rest of his life.

3 Ways OMS Can Occur

  • It could have been caused by a neuroblastoma (cancer) that his body recognized.  Once it is recognized as being “foreign”, the body produces B-cells that violently attack the cancer so that it is reabsorbed in the body.  Those “aggressive” B-cells do not just die off after the cancer is reabsorbed…it begins attacking the brain at the cerebellum (the part of the brain that controls your body movement) and the frontal lobe (which controls your moods).
  • Idiopathic (meaning it came from a virus)
  • It is a precursor to neuroblastoma (cancer) that can show up with the next few years.

We will be doing MRIs, CT scans, blood work, PET scans and urinalysis often to make sure there is not minute cancer hanging out.  We have had 8 rounds of high dose steroids, 1 round of IVIg immunotherapy, and will have a total of 3 rounds of Rituximab.

So far…we have seen little change.  We have good days and bad days.  We are all adjusting to our new normal and learning life.  I’m thankful to the doctors who heard me and were proactive in finding his diagnosis.  My prayer, of course, is for complete healing.

We are going to try and raise money, at some point, for a therapy dog for him.  We are wanting one for his walker/wheelchair needs and for his anxiety and PTSD in regards to doctors and hospitals.

If you have any questions, or if you child suffers from OMS, do not hesitate to comment here, or you can find me on facebook, instagram, twitter, and pinterest (all links are on the side bar).

Prayers are appreciated.  Fundraiser ideas are appreciated.  Thank you all for hanging in there and keeping up with this little series.  I will post more about this in the future.

 

 

Posted in Everyday, Inspirational Thoughts, Marriage, Medical, My Lady, Truth and Honesty

Happy 83rd Birthday to My Lady

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This is my FAVORITE picture of My Lady.  It was taken 2 years ago after she made a miraculous recovery from her TIAs and her stroke.  She is wearing my absolutely favorite shirt that she owns.  I love her in the color red.

My Lady captured my heart so many years ago.  Her presence is one that demands acknowledgement, in my opinion.  She is tall, regal, beautiful, honest, and she has a smile that lights up any dark spots.  Little did I know that underneath all those worldly attributes was a deep love for her Jesus, her hero (Jerome), her children, her grandchildren, her church, and her community.  She knows everyone and who is related to whom and how to get to, not only their childhood homes, but to every home every person has ever lived in and what job that they held.

She is a master cook of things like Poke Salad, Cornbread, white beans and ham…she knows everything to know about everything in the kitchen and how it relates to health.  She has taught me how to love more deeply.  How to sacrifice without complaining.  How to make decisions when I am confused.  She has held my head in her hands as I have cried over my marriage, my children, and my family.  She prays for me faithfully.  I cannot fully put into words what she means to me and how she has affected me and my life.

I am better for knowing her and being loved by her.  She is my dearest friend, mentor, and confidante.  I wish her circumstances, today, were different than what they are, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she *feels* the love and prayers from everyone around her.

Happy Birthday, my Lady……………

Posted in Adoption, Health, Inspirational Thoughts, Medical, Truth and Honesty

Our Family, Friends, Church, and Community

During the last few weeks…we have seen our family, friends, church body, and community come together to bless our family in a very difficult time.  There is no way I can express how loved we feel and how blessed we are to have complete strangers stand in the gap for us through prayer, financial donations, building a ramp, providing suppers, providing groceries, carting kids around, buying necessities, and so much more.

We are, generally, the givers and doers…the hands and feet of Jesus…so this is all new to us.  This is not the path we would have chosen for our family, but it is what it is and I will not love Jesus any less for this trial we are walking through.  I do not say “why us”…I say “why not us.”   Who better to walk this path than our family.  We are being taught great things.  We are being blessed right and left.

We are humbled by the graciousness and love.  We would love for this illness to just be a season of our lives, but it may be our new way of normal.  We hope that, one day, when we get used to our new life, that we will be able to serve others in the way we have been served.

 

Here is part of the Marshall County Ramp Ministry Team.  What a blessing.

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And here is Ms. Marcella founder of Marcella’s Kitchen.  She and her team of volunteers are an amazing blessing to our family.

Posted in Everyday, Inspirational Thoughts, Truth and Honesty

Truth and Honesty: My Story

When I was in the world of dating (thanking the good Lord He saw fit to bring Big Daddy into my life and I am no longer dating!)….my theory was “go out and get as many free meals/movies as I can.”  How stupid was that?  By having that mentality, bad things happened….really bad things happened by a guy I was “in love” with.  He was a master manipulator and I was young and naive…I loved the idea of being in love.  I would have walked over hot coals for him and, in a sense, I did.  Now, I have forgiven him for his choices and I have moved on.  The things that happened have made me who I am and it has allowed me to minister to women/young girls who are in mentally abusive relationships.  Would I have chosen that path for myself?  No.  Did my parents choose that for me?  No.  They didn’t even know until I was well into my 30s.  Did the Lord choose that path for me?  No….but there is freewill and this man was not a believer.

I was blessed with Big Daddy in that we caught each others eye immediately.  We met in January 1993, started dating in May, engaged in September, married in June and a family soon followed as I was pregnant within 7 months of our marriage.  Most people didn’t even know we were dating and we came up engaged!  I brought A LOT of baggage into my relationship with him, whereas, he had never dated anyone 🙂  He didn’t deserve that baggage.  Had I been patient and waited on the Lord and followed that “lamp unto my feet” (Ps. 119:105), I would have been spared severe trauma.  My marriage would have been different, I would imagine.  The Lord knew who I needed and He provided him.  He has blessed me with 21 years with a man that I adore though drives me bonkers (keeping it real)!

I remember looking at him and giving him a list of things I would NOT do (I will cut my hair if I want, I will wear what I want, I will wear or not wear make up if I want, I will not be submission, I will not be a doormat, I will not walk behind you, I will speak my mind and if you don’t like my opinion you can Hit.  The.  Road.)  Bless his sweet heart.  He would just stand there and stare at me.  I’m pretty certain he was waiting for my head to start spinning and pop off.  I guess the mental/emotional abuse had just come to a head, in me.  My mama always said that I kept it all in until my belly got full and then people needed to look out because I was gonna explode and it was gonna lack all kinds of tact or grace.  I do that…I keep things in.  I try to handle things myself without letting the outside world in.  I keep my emotions in check and I lack tear ducts, so crying is rare for me.  When I do cry…it is U.G.L.Y. it ain’t got no alibi its UGLY!

For my kids….I want different for them.  I want them to know themselves.  I want them to be solid in who they are in Christ.  I want to keep them from physical and mental harm.  I want to hold the keys to their hearts until that one day, that the Lord brings a person to them….a person who is their forever.  That person, however, has to earn the key to their hearts.  Big Daddy and I will hold this boy (or girl’s) feet to the fire and we will ask the tough questions.  We will give them impromptu life lessons.  We will make sure they have a relationship with the Lord.  In the end…whether a potential suitor is here for a bit or for a lifetime…the most important thing is the assurance of this person’s salvation.  I want my kids to know that emotions come from the Lord and Jesus, Himself, experienced emotions (another post to follow on this subject).

If a potential suitor is not willing to follow some rules, then they are not the person for my child. If they can’t handle the fire, then get out of the kitchen.  We are talking about the heart of my children.  The single most important thing my children will ever decide is to whether or not to follow Christ.  The second biggest decision of their lives is who they will spend the rest of their days with (or they may choose the blessing of single life). I am not going to mess around with either one of these decisions.  Our job, as parents, is to guide and to instruct.  We have to teach and be an example.  I fail every single day.  Big Daddy fails every single day, but we can admit our failures and we can move on and learn from them.

We have rules, as parents, and our children should have their own personal convictions on certain issues.  These convictions rise from how they were brought up and their relationship with the Lord, but some come from life experiences that they may not want to repeat.  Thankfully, I only have one child in the “courting” realm and another wanting to be in the “courting” realm.  The other 4….they are too young 🙂  Bug is okay with some stuff (ie hand holding or side hugs)…she isn’t okay with kissing, tickling, prolonged hugs, or any sort of intimacy (which should be held off till marriage).  This ideal may change for her.  We are not telling her DO NOT do this this and this…we do, however, remind her that she must look to Jesus to fill any emptiness and that any amount of physical touch is giving a part of her heart to this boy and it can open herself (and him) to certain things that can never be taken back.  If he is NOT the one the Lord has in mind for her future, then she is holding hands, etc with someone else’s husband.  Dramatic?  Maybe. Truth?  Absolutely.

So much of what I wanted to save for my husband was taken from me.  It was not voluntary.  I didn’t just come to him with small pieces removed from my heart…I came to him with giant chunks missing and parts of my heart just blackened and dead.  The wounds of these things have healed, but there are still scars that I must contend with…eventually those scars fade.  I am thankful that Bart came to me with his whole heart…fully intact.  I am also thankful that that the Lord extended a tremendous amount of patience and love for me.

Once your purity is taken (in my case) or given (in most cases)…..you can’t get that back, but the Lord can restore your choices.  You can re-commit to the Lord to remain pure until He sees fit to bring you the one that He chose for you.  Love yourself enough to make that commitment, but be prepared to struggle with it.  That pandora’s box has been opened and satan will use that to tempt you on every level. Whether that temptation is through a new boy/girlfriend, pornography, graphic photos in magazines, sex scenes that show up on your favorite shows…he will remind you of how good it feels and that there is nothing wrong with “feeling” good.  That, my friends, is a lie straight from the pit of hell.  God meant for sex to occur between people who have committed their lives to each other and to God.  It is meant for the marriage bed, not for the backseat of a car with a stranger.  When you do that latter….it messes with your head….it chips away at your heart….it leaves you constantly trying to fill that void.

I hope and pray that my children are patient and wait on the Lord.  Will I love them if they choose differently or make mistakes?  Uhm, yes!  There is not question about that.  God will still love them too, plus He has already forgiven them for past, present and future sins when He died on that cross because my children all have accepted Jesus in their sweet little hearts (all except for one and he is young 🙂 )!  It will grieve His heart and it will grieve our hearts but that grief doesn’t replace the tremendous amount of love I have for my children.  Sex isn’t just about getting pregnant, nowadays.  There are lifelong diseases that can occur or even death if those diseases go untreated.  I certainly don’t want that for my kids.  Oh, I wish the Lord would just return and we could all live in the new Heaven….then this whole point would be moot.

Posted in Everyday, Inspirational Thoughts, Truth and Honesty

Truth and Honesty: Courting Questions

This is a LONG list…edit it to suit your needs.  I have added Scripture references, I’m sure there are some references that I have missed…so feel free to comment and let me know.

What are your habits with regard to Bible study?

Bible Study

What is your opinion of personal witnessing?

Witnessing

What would you say is your spiritual gift(s)?

Spiritual Gifts

Describe your relationship with your father?

Do any mental or emotional illnesses that could affect your children run in your family?

Describe your relationship with your mother?

Can you describe your relationship with your grandparents?

Can you describe your relationship with your friends?

Friendships

Are you consistently faithful in fulfilling your commitments?

Commitments

Do you show a regular willingness to serve others?  In what ways?

Serving Others

In what ways is self-centeredness expressed in your life?

Self-Centeredness

Are you ever manipulative of others?

Manipulation

What kinds of situations cause you frustration?  How do you respond?

Frustration

What circumstances might make you impatient or angry?

Impatience

How do you handle anger?

Anger

Have you ever been violent?

Do you raise your voice when angry?

Have you ever had to deal with a broken relationship? If so, please provide the details of that relationship, how long ago, the situation, and how did you handle it?

Relationships

Do you have any physical or mental disabilities or diseases?

Any allergies?

Prior or current health problems?

Do you drink alcohol? If so, what and how often?

What are your views on alcohol?

Do you smoke?

What are your views on smoking?

Are your spending habits disciplined?

Do you tithe?

Tithe

What is your view of debt?

Debt

How would you describe your work ethic?

Work Ethic

Do you have a high standard of excellence?

Do you tend to be either slothful or a workaholic?

How many hours per week do you work?

What is your discipline in studying?

Do you read regularly, and if so, what?

Who is your favorite author?

Outside the Bible, what would be your five favorite non-fiction books?

Five favorite fiction books?

What are your habits regarding sleeping?

Are you lethargic?

Are your sleep habits irregular?

Do you follow a regular schedule?

Are you organized?

Would you consider yourself neat or messy?

What is your practice regarding personal prayer?

Prayer Life

Do you tend to be more of a leader or follower in life?

In making decisions, what role does God’s Word play?

God’s Word

What is your attitude toward women/men?

What is their purpose?

What is your view on the role of a spouse?

Role of Wife

Role of Husband

What are your views on women working outside the home?

What are your views concerning divorce and remarriage?

Divorce

Can you tell me your thoughts on how a man should provide for a wife and family?

Can you tell me your thoughts on how a man should protect a wife and children?

How do you feel about guns?

How do you see your future relationship with your in-laws working out?

What has been your prior experience with dating and romance?

Dating

Have you ever kissed or been physically intimate in any way with a girl/woman? If so, explain the circumstances.

Premarital Sex

How do you relate to children?

How often are you around children?

What are your thoughts regarding birth control and family planning?

Birth Control

Family Planning

How many children do you hope to have?

What is your attitude toward adopting children?

Adoption

What are your views on child training, including corporal punishment?

Discipline

What are your views on homeschooling?

Homeschooling

What are your thoughts on family worship?

What would be the key attributes of such a practice in your home?

When you fail someone, what actions do you take to rectify the situation?

Forgiveness

Are you honest?

Honesty

Do you ever slant the truth for your own benefit?

http://www.openbible.info/topics/lying

How have you prepared yourself for marriage?

Preparing for Marriage

In what ways do you think you may need to grow before marriage?

What does “leave and cleave” mean to you?

Leave and Cleave

Are you prepared to put your wife first, before all others, including your parents?

Do you use offensive language?

Speech

Do you watch television, R-rated movies? PG-rated movies?

What were the last five movies you watched?

What kind of music do you prefer?

What kind of music would you find offensive?

Have you ever been exposed to pornography? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.

Pornography

What are your views on homosexuality?

Homosexuality

Do you currently use any type of drugs? Have you in your past? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.

Do you have any financial debt? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.

Have you ever been in trouble with the law? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.

What tendencies do you have toward prejudice or racism?

Prejudice

Racism

Have you ever had periods of rebellion? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.

Are there any unsettled issues with your parents?

What is your attitude toward pets? Indoor? Outdoor?

What are your political leanings?

What is your general attitude toward civil government?

What is (are) your favorite sources for news?

What are your interests, hobbies, talents?

What are your income producing (vocational) skills?

What do you value most highly in life? What next?

What do you tend to do in your spare time?

If “your” daughter were marrying “you,” what cautions would you have?

What are your thoughts on alternative medicine?

What are your thoughts on immunizations?

Do you prefer to live in the city, suburbs, town, or country; farm, seaside, mountains, or desert? Why?

Describe a typical week day in your life from start to finish.

Describe a typical Saturday in your life from start to finish.

Describe a typical Sunday in your life from start to finish.

Do you have a personal timetable for marriage? If so, what is it?

What type of education are you hoping that your future spouse will have?

List the five most important characteristics of a spouse (for you personally).

List any characteristics or personality traits that would bother or irritate you in a spouse.

**These questions were first found at http://yoursacredcalling.com/blog/courtship-questions-for-potential-suitors/.  I edited some of them and I added Scripture**

Posted in Everyday, Inspirational Thoughts, Truth and Honesty

Truth and Honesty: Dating

My oh my…..parenting is SO hard….when you are in the bliss of baby making you don’t think about the teen years and all the drama that is going to ensue because you want a large family and you want your kids to be close in age.  You can take super cute pictures of them all dressed alike…march them out of the mini van, forming a line behind daddy and trailing him like little ducks.  It is such a sweet sweet image.

Then, the image shatters.

Puberty has hit.

Run for cover.

Call your parents and apologize for being born.

Jump in the storm cellar.

Batten down the hatches.

Arm yourself with lots of coke, cheese, and bags upon bags of cheese flavored items.

Push the button that not only keeps you in the cellar…but more importantly, keeps your psycho kids out!

Then, in 5-6-7 years when the locks move and the door opens…light will hit your face and you will see images of those sweet children, now grown, looking back at you.

You will be sitting in a corner, on a sugar high from all the coke, with permanently orange fingers and face….you will be clutching your last bag of Doritos.  Your tongue will be raw from licking all the cheese off and surrounding you will be empty coke cans and lots and lots of cheeseless chips.

That is sort of where I’m heading.  My oldest, who will be 19 next week (good gracious) is branching into her own.  She is odd, quirky, laughs at herself, trips up stairs, coffee loving, oven burning, mission minded precious being.  Then, there is that boy that just won’t leave.  The kid will not leave.  I have done everything I know to do besides yelling GO AWAY!  I DON’T LIKE CHANGE!  That would be rude 😉

They are approaching a time when tough questions need to be asked and answered.  Let me tell you right now, we are not the Duggars. I do like them.  I do watch them.  I want to be a fly on their wall because it can’t always be lollipops and unicorns at their house.  If it is….I need a piece of whatever it is they are eating!

We have rules.  We court more than date because I want as much of my daughter’s heart, to go to the man that she is going to marry, as  humanly possible.  I want her to guard herself and to follow in what the Lord says about dating and marriage.  I don’t want her to give away more than she needs to with a person that may not be in her future.  I pray that the Lord gives each of them a clear direction and vision because hearts are getting vested and before anymore “vesting” happens…they need to know where each other stands on certain things.  Important life issues.

Big Daddy and I didn’t do that…heck…most people didn’t even know we were dating before we were engaged….We met in January, dated in May, engaged in September, married the following June, pregnant the following February…we moved fast.  We learned the answers to all these great life questions AFTER we were married.  That probably wasn’t a wise choice.  That is where I admire the Duggars because they do talk about the tough stuff and if you don’t have the same views on things and can’t compromise on the things that you differ on…then you need to move on down the road.  The Lord has someone better prepared for you.

You can’t stake your whole life and your whole happiness and your whole joy on one person.  That person will disappoint you.  That person will fail you. That person will upset you and let you down.  That person is fallible…not perfect…the only Person to find your joy and happiness in is the Lord…that’s it.

How is your walk?

What are you studying?

What has the Lord revealed to you?

Who is holding you accountable…because it really doesn’t need to always be your significant other?

This person needs to be one step ahead of you, Spiritually, and of the same gender.

Do you have a mentor?  Who is older than you that you can talk too and learn from.  My mentor is 80 years old and she will put me in my place faster than I can blink my eye, but she also ALWAYS points me towards the Lord.

Who are your friends?

Are they believers?

Do they lift you up and edify you?

What are you watching/listening too?  Is it edifying because crap in is crap out.

If that person were to say “this is too much too fast” will you go down into a swirly twirly depression that you can’t get out of?  If that answer is yes…you need to back off and look to Jesus.

Do you edify your “other” person?

Do you talk about Scripture?

Do you pray over and with that person?

Do you study the Word alone and then do a couples Bible study with that person?

Are you the Spiritual leader of this relationship?

These are all very important questions that need to be answered as individuals and as a couple.  I may post some other “dating/relationship/courting” types of questions that really get you thinking about what you want out of life and what you want out of a potential mate.  I’m not saying have your daughter (or son) hand this list over to any/everyone they are interested in…but if the talking continues and you see hearts moving then it may not be a bad idea.  I would rather my kids take this list, answer it immediately, then take their answers and compare it with what Scripture says to see what matches up and what needs to be prayed over and know themselves before jumping into a relationship.  I would also like to see their suitors (male or female) do the same and then they need to come together to see where Scripture lines up with their answers.  If you don’t agree or can’t compromise, then let it go gracefully and remain friends.  There is no harm or foul in that.  If the answers do line up or compromising can happen, then this might be the person the Lord has for you!

Be wise and discerning.

Know who you are in Christ and what He has done for you.

Look to God to fill your emptiness.

Know, love, and accept yourself.

Be firm in your faith.

Be willing to grow.

Let God be the head of you.

Know your role in a relationship.

Hold each other accountable and then have your own accountability partner.

Compromise.

Love.

Forgive.

Show mercy.

Say you are sorry.

Be willing to let go.

Make sure the hole in your heart is filled by the only One who can fill it and do not look towards your mate to fill it.