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Posts from the ‘Inspirational Thoughts’ Category

That Moment…..

When you have had a good day.  You have worshiped Jesus with like minded believers.  You have snuggled with your family, taken a good nap, got sugars from an amazing 3 yr old warrior…..and then, like an iron skillet to the face……it hits.

A wave of depression.

A wave of failure.

A wave of insecurities.

A wave of realities.

A wave of irrational thinking.

A wave of tears.

My Lady always fussed at me because of my “stoic” facade.  She would always tell me, especially when she asked that I recount the moment when she had her stroke and the year or so afterward, because I would fight back those tears.  She would hold my hand and just tell me to release my emotions….that it was cleansing to my soul and that there is no shame or judgement if I cried.

So I cried.

And she would hold my hand…hand me tissue…and then ask me to repeat the story.

We went through that routine about once a week until she got really sick…and then she stopped asking.  I cried every single time.  There was not a moment that I did not break down into tears.

When my Lady died….my person died….my confidante….my friend and what seemed like my only friend.  I could jot over to her house in 3 minutes…..and be fulfilled and ready to tackle the world.  I had a chair.  I had space.  I loved her ice cubes.  I would crunch and she would advise.  I would lay my head in her hands and know that I was loved, understood and prayed over.  I had no one to cry too.  I had no one that I could confide it.  I had lost my person.

Psalm 56:8 says You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.”  How humbling is that that my Jesus (and your Jesus) collects ALL our tears in a bottle and He records them.  There is not one tear that He misses.  That humbles my heart.

I am still stoic, to a point…my mama always said she knows that I’m stuffing stuffing stuffing down my emotions until there is one little thing that breaks me and then WHAM I am letting it ALL out.

I texted her, late one night and all it said was “I love you, mama.”  That was it.  Nothing fancy, nothing indicating anything was wrong…just a simple statement.  No more did I hit send and the phone was ringing….I rarely call her “mama” unless something is wrong and she is so tuned into me that she knows that she needs to diffuse, listen, encourage, pray and sometimes let me cry.  She’s good like that.  There are times when I just need her.  I need her love.  I need her support.  I need her to listen.  I need her to let me cry and then I need her to tell me to go and wash my face.  I cannot or do not want to imagine my life without her and the unconditional love that she supplies me every single day.

Today was a good day.  We had an excellent service.  We came home and all was well…until it wasn’t.  I had that wave roll over me and I sat, in my room, unable to breathe.  I felt my tears welling up and I just pushed them down until I just couldn’t anymore.

Big Daddy came up and we laid down and I talked….he patted.  I cried……he patted harder.  I snotted……he patted even harder.  I just told him how I felt like such a failure, as a wife, mom, sister, daughter, friend….how alone I felt.  How I was 1/2 way to 80 and I have wasted my life.  He, in his sweet self, informed me that I was *more* then 1/2 way to 80, that I was almost 1/2 way to 90.  Good pep talk, Big Daddy….good….that comment made me cry even harder.

Then it all came bursting out like the water of a broken dam.  What would I do if he died and he left me all alone?  Why did I start watching a movie that I knew scared me and now I’m afraid spiders are in my bed?  Why doesn’t he love me?  Does he hate me?  Do my kids hate me?  I’m worthless.  I’m useless.  I have accomplished nothing in life.

Pity Party:  Party of 1 please….your table is ready.

There is Truth that I MUST remember…..

What does Jesus say about me?  In Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  If I want to get REALLY technical…I can throw it back to Genesis 1:27 with “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”  I was created in the image of God.  He created me to look like Him!  

How crazy is that?

So, knowing that….why do I have these waves?  I don’t know why I get in these funks.  Maybe it is still working through the grief I feel, but then again, my Lady just recently went home….and these waves have come for as long as I can remember.

It is that battlefield of the mind…..satan has wreaked havoc on my emotions and mind.  I have felt the closeness of Jesus all day long and then BAM….out of left field comes a wave of blech.

I am so incredibly thankful for my husband.  He is a steadfast rock to my shifting emotional sand.  I am thankful for new beginnings.  I’m thankful for what Jesus did on the cross for me.  I am thankful for Truths.

Tomorrow is a new day full of new beginnings.

We all have the same 24 hrs in a day.  Will you allow satan to have a foothold in your thoughts or will you choose to capture your thoughts with the Truths of Jesus?


I Went to the Enemy’s Camp….

Well, I went to the enemy’s camp and

I took back what he stole from me (my marriage)

I took back what he stole from me (my children)

I took back what he stole from me (my depression)

I went back to the enemy’s camp and

I took back what he stole from me (OMS, RAD, FASD, ADD, ADHD BRAIN DAMAGE, PTSD)

You know

He’s under my feet

He’s under my feet

Satan is under my feet.

I went to the enemy’s camp and

I took back what he stole from me (my children’s mental health)

I took back what he stole from me (my child’s learning disabilities)

I took back what he stole from me (my relationships with family and friends)

I went to the enemy’s camp and

I took back what he stole from me

You know

He’s under my feet

He’s under my feet

Satan is under my feet

I went to the enemy’s camp and

I took back what he stole from me (our finances)

I took back what he stole from me (my fears)

I took back what he stole from me (my life)

I went to the enemy’s camp and

I took back what he stole from me

You know

He’s under my feet

He’s under my feet

Satan is under my feet

The Lamb Has Overcome

This past Sunday, we sang the song “Forever” by Kari Jobe.  We have sung this song many times….I have heard it on Pandora a thousand and one times.  This is the first time that I have really thought about the lyrics to this song.


The moon and stars they wept
The morning sun was dead
The Saviour of the world was fallen
His body on the cross
His blood poured out for us
The weight of every curse upon HimOne final breath He gave
As heaven looked away
The son of God was laid in darkness
A battle in the grave
The war on death was waged
The power of hell forever brokenThe ground began to shake
The stone was rolled away
His perfect love could not be overcome
Now death where is your sting?
Our resurrected King
Has rendered you defeated

Forever He is glorified
Forever He is lifted high
Forever He is risen
He is alive, He is alive!

We sing hallelujah
We sing hallelujah
We sing hallelujah
The Lamb has overcome

You have overcome
You have overcome
You have overcome
You have overcome

I think the phrase that hit me so hard was “The Lamb Has Overcome.
He has OVERCOME….regardless of what it is.
He has OVERCOME Reactive Attachment Disorder in my daughter.
He has OVERCOME Fetal Alcohol Syndrome in my son.
He has OVERCOME my health issues.
He has OVERCOME Big Daddy’s bad knees and hips.
He has OVERCOME depression.
He has OVERCOME finances.
He.  Has.  OVERCOME.
He wins.
Why do I choose to worry about the things that go on in my life?
Why do I worry about our finances, our health issues, our surgery dates, our infusions, the behavior issues of my children, my parents’ health?
He has already solved these issues.  His divine will has been set into motion from before the creation of the earth.  This is why we sing Hallelujah.  In the crappiest of situations where we see no hope…..He becomes the Hope because He OVERCAME it all for us. What a revelation.  What a statement.  What a realization.  Wow….just freaking wow!
Be blessed in knowing your personal friend….Your Jesus…..has OVERCOME just for you. If you were the only person on the face of the planet…..He would still OVERCOME all your trials and tribulations.
Wow.  Gives me a whole new appreciation and perspective.

Motivation Monday

This funk has GOT to go….so go it will.  As my Lady always says “pull yourself up and get outta that pit.”  With that being said….I’ve got things to do, places to go, and people to see!

  • Get thank you cards mailed
  • Email G her letter from the kids
  • Make a dentist appt for me and Noah
  • Make dentist appts for the three younger boys
  • Reschedule eye appt.
  • Schedule ACT for Noah
  • Let him drive (insert me vomiting)
  • Pack for Lville and our next drs appt
  • Call dr with update on Hunter
  • Wear makeup
  • Work on Family calendar
  • Pull some homeschooling stuff together
  • Get my letter of intent finished
  • Call OT to cancel appt
  • Reschedule said appt
  • Clean my bedroom
  • Go through and super clean the boys’ rooms cause there is a nasty smell that, frankly, scares me.
  • Call my mama
  • Go see V’s new apartment
  • Set my month’s goals (yes, we are 1/2 way into July but why wait)
  • Start my Bible reading again
  • Clean of and prepare homeschool computers and tablets
  • Read to my baby
  • Finish Freezer cooking
  • Baseball……….Baseball………….and more baseball
  • Go and see my Lady.

This season has sucked.  This year has sucked.  I have not enjoyed any of 2017 and not a whole heck of a lot of enjoyment was had in 2016 LOL.  What holds me together is knowing that known of this surprises Jesus.  He has got all of this.  He has my family.  He knows the beginning from the end.  I just have to buckle in and deal with the twists and turns of the rollercoaster I have been living on for the last year or so.

Time to live.  Time to breathe.  Time for a new season of life.  Time for new beginnings…..this is where Eccl. 3 comes into play.

Ecclesiastes 3 (NLT)

A Time for Everything

For everything there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
    A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
    A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
    A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
    A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
    A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
    A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
    A time for war and a time for peace.

What do people really get for all their hard work? 10 I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. 11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. 12 So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. 13 And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.

14 And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him. 15 What is happening now has happened before, and what will happen in the future has happened before, because God makes the same things happen over and over again.

The Prophecy and The Call

Last December, we were at church and we were getting ready to worship. We have been church hunting for a while and we landed on Christian Fellowship.  We knew the pastor and his wife, as well as, a few families.  We had not been going very long, but it was definitely different than what we were used too.

Before service started, there was a welcome and then our pastor called up a man because he had a “word” to give some people in the congregation.  We have learned that this is somewhat normal, but still very abnormal to our family…we simply were not used to that.   So, we sat and we watched this man pace back and forth in front of the congregation.  I am a people watcher/reader and the thing that caught my eye was the fact that he never opened his eyes when he was pacing or talking.  He kept touching the insides of his hands and you could tell that he was uncomfortable but being obedient. He said that he had had this word from the Lord and he wanted to make sure that it was, indeed, from Him and not from this man’s flesh.  He realized through his sleepless nights that this was from the Lord and he had to be obedient.

He said that he had a word for someone in the congregation and so we sat, listened and watched him pace.  He made his way down the aisle that we were sitting on and he stopped in front of Big Daddy.  I felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room and my mind was whirling.  He asked Big Daddy to stand up.  I looked up to the altar, where our pastor was standing, and he gave me a look, a nod and a smile that it was okay.  This man, whom we had never seen or met, told Big Daddy to hold onto his hand.  Now, Big Daddy is not a tiny man and his hands are ginormous, so when he stands, he is noticed. This man said that the Lord was telling him to “Hold on. Hold on tight to the rope and do not let go.  To trust and just hold on tight.”  I felt an energy move through me and tears flowed freely, which I don’t usually cry or get swept up in my emotions, so this was strange to me.  The moment was fleeting but the air was thick and I knew, in my soul, we were in for a ride.

Come the beginning of 2017… many things happened.  My daddy had quadruple bypass surgery, my niece was sentenced, my nephew was close behind her, my daughter went to military school due to behavior, we had a family issue involving another baby that was devastating, my oldest daughter called off her engagement and was downsized at work, fighting with insurance companies for my son’s surgery that he needs, then my Lady got sick…..then the straw that broke the camel’s back happened.  Needless to say, we were reminded to “hold on” a lot over the course of the first 6 mths of 2017.  During the incident involving a family member…Big Daddy and I were trying hard to win a case and it was simply out of our hands.  We knew what we could do to help the situation…we were willing…but it was not our call.  As I spoke to a friend of mine, she said that I needed to “hold onto hope.”  She also said that the Hebrew meaning of “hope” is “rope”, so hold onto the rope.  I caught my breath and I texted her back and asked her who had told her that.  She said it was a word from the Lord to me.  I asked her if she knew the man that had said the same thing back in December and she did not know him.  That is twice, the Lord has said to “hold on.”  I felt like we had held on pretty well….

Then the call came.  My sister called me on Tuesday, June 6, 2017.  Now, she rarely calls me on a Tuesday…we talk on Monday 🙂  I asked her if everything was okay and she said that she woke up to an odd text.  She said it was from a friend, a former neighbor, that she used to walk with.  That friend said that the Lord placed my name on her heart and that she was praying for me.  I have never met, spoken too, or even seen a picture of this woman.  She simply knows me from what my sister had said and I’m sure I wasn’t the topic of every conversation…although I am awesome like that.  I told my sister I did not like that and that meant that something was fixing to happen.  My sister told me to take it as a blessing, but I was unsettled.

That Tuesday, we saw a rogue zebra……………..

What It is Like to Be a Foster Child: by Gigi

My daughter, Gigi (14), has had a lot of things happen, in her life.  She has not had a good beginning, but I’m a firm believer that her middle and end will be spectacular.  For her (and the others mentioned) own protection, I will change the names in this snippet and I will not divulge in her private story of how she came to be a foster child.  I asked her a question, the other night, and that question was “what do you want people to know about being in the foster care system.”  This is her answer.  I ask that you do not copy/paste/reblog this without permission per stated in my copyright disclosure at the bottom of my blog. This is from her heart and it is beautifully written.


What I Want People to Know About Being in the Foster Care System

by:  Gigi C. aged 14

Foster care is a scary thing because I didn’t know what was happening. I was at the city pool with Carla, one of the people that my mom would leave me with when she didn’t want to parent. I was swimming and playing and then my life changed. All of the sudden panic happened all around me. Carla was crying, my brother’s half sister (who was always mean to me), Morgan (Carla’s daughter) was crying. I started crying because everyone else was crying. I didn’t know what was going on. She might have told me on the way there, but I don’t really remember. I didn’t understand and all of the sudden, I was pulled away from Carla by my new foster parents.  I kicked and screamed and held onto Carla as tight as I could, but I wasn’t as strong as Tim, my new foster dad.

When you enter foster care, you don’t know whether those people are going to want you.   If they didn’t want you, you were in a constant rotation. You go from one family to another. You feel like you are being pulled around and left at stranger’s houses. Kids are taught not to talk to strangers or accept candy from them.  Kids are told to run if a stranger approaches you.  You know nothing about these people. You just know that you have to stay with them.   You are not familiar with them, the smells, their actions. You begin to build up a wall and you learn to stop trusting people. The foster parents say that they “might” want to keep you, but it never goes through and they then send you to other people. You quickly begin to not trust people. When kids are in foster care, a lot of people want to help. These kids need space. I felt cramped. I was not in control of anything or anyone. Everything I knew was gone.

First, when people knew I was in foster care, it bothered me a lot. It is easier now. It wasn’t my choice to be in foster care. Things are getting easier and the people that do know don’t ask a lot of question. It made me want to punch people because it is none of their business. Foster kids are just like regular kids…their family just didn’t want them. The kids had no say, the parents made the choices for us. The first thought that a kid will have, going into foster care, is “was it my fault, did I say something that made someone mad, did I do something wrong?” The kids don’t realize that it isn’t their fault.

People need to treat foster kids with respect because they are normal people. People look at us like we don’t belong and that our family is messed up. Take a normal kid from a normal family and put it up against a kid who is in foster care and who doesn’t have a normal family…people compare those things too much. They think they are better than us, but really we are the same. The only difference is the kid needs a family that will love them and take care of them. Stop looking at us differently. We are the same.

Foster kids need more love, support and care because as the child grows up, they will feel like they don’t belong because they feel like the foster family just feels sorry for them. Sympathizing is not the same thing…we don’t want to be felt sorry for. In a normal family, with born to them kids, they aren’t felt sorry for. Don’t point out we are foster children. We just want to belong.

How many kids do you have? Is that child really yours?…just say yes. When you say “no, this child is a foster child?” It makes us not feel wanted, that we don’t belong, or people look at us with sympathy. We do belong…we belong to you. Treat us like we belong to you. Don’t treat us differently. Don’t point out our differences to others.

Families who get into foster care need to be more supportive of that child and understand that child. The child needs to feel like they are wanted. When they don’t feel that they are wanted, that causes problems. The kids start pushing people away and they build the wall so high that no one can get in. They are the only ones that can protect themselves. This is our only defense.

The fear of letting someone hurt me again is too much to bear. We can never be loved again because my family gave me away. When one family doesn’t love me, then how can anyone else. We think that we can’t do anything, we can’t succeed, that we are castaways because we weren’t wanted by that first family. We don’t deserve love.

Uhm, Just Yes.

She Tells Her Grandma That She’s Just Been Cheated On So Grandma Tells Her To Do This

This is a good lesson for all of us, no matter what stage of life you’re in. You’ll see what I mean.

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her – her husband had cheated on her and she was devastated. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.


In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, grandmother?’

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.


“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be like the COFFEE.


Gives Me Comfort

New Year’s Eve

Here we are…another year in the books.  2014 is gone and we are embarking on 2015.  Wow.  Time has flown and the older that I get, the faster time moves.

I have been able to check a lot of stuff off of my bucket list.  It is exciting…..but I have a lot more to go!

One thing I wanted to do was post everyday.  Another thing was post some sort of picture everyday.  I have done that, too.  Those are two more thing that I’m crossing off of my list.

I have also enlisted a beautifully created mentor.  Wow….is she a blessing!  I’m so thankful Ms. Jo said yes when I humbly asked her to be my guide and accountability partner.  I have become a mentor…..I use that term SO loosely LOL.  I vote, it is more of a mom to mom session type thing because mentor….well, I’m not old enough or have enough life experience.  I have way too much to learn.

I have counseled quite a bit, this past year and what a blessing it has been to see beauty come from ashes within some families.  I’m so honored that the Lord equipped me and that He gave me the wisdom to step out of my comfort zone and help others.

I have a lot I want to accomplish, still….getting my practicum finished so I can take my test for my license in MFT.  I still have kids to graduate through school and I’m sure courting will be on the fore front of my world with two of my daughters.

One daughter is getting closer to leaving the nest.  I know a lot of people have tried to persuade her to move out quickly, but I’m thankful that wisdom took over for her and she realized that in order to move into a dorm, she would have a substantial student loan… would have almost tripled her college tuition and she doesn’t get a lot of grants.  These well-meaning people may think it is okay to have debt looming over their heads, but my daughter is paying as she goes through college and I’m so proud of her for using her money wisely.  I pray that this debt free attitude is something that all my children will carry throughout their lives.

I am looking forward to where the Lord is taking our family in our walk, our professional lives, our church lives, our friendships.  I am hoping and praying that the one child we have that has not professed his faith in Jesus will do so in the upcoming year.  He is still young and there is so much for him to learn and absorb….but my prayers are that the Lord takes up his sweet little heart.

I won’t be posting, everyday, as I did this year.  This daily posting was a personal goal for me.  I tend to start things and then not finish them (much to Big Daddy’s chagrin).  I’m proud of myself for setting two goals and meeting them!  I’m sure my postings won’t be missed…I have nothing of importance to say…just a lot of nonsense.  I still have a couple of girl that will be guest blogging and I’m hoping to ask a few more to do the occasional guest blog.  I love bringing other people’s perspective on the trials that they are walking through.

For now, I have the knowledge that “joy comes in the morning Ps. 30:5” and I wait with baited breath what the Lord is going to do in the new year.

May you all be blessed.

The Story of Jesus

Luke 2:1-20

The Birth of Jesus

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while[a] Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to their own town to register.

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
    and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

16 So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17 When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18 and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.


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