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Open, Closed, Semi Adoptions

OPEN:

Open adoption is a form of adoption in which the biological and adoptive families have access to varying degrees of each other’s personal information and have an option of contact.  Sourced from Wikipedia

I love our open adoption but that is because it is a family adoption.  Our youngest son, 3, is a special case…he is actually my great nephew.  His mom is my niece.  He calls her Mama Paige, though he does not remember her.  He knows that he has a brother and sister (my sister raises them), but as for his dad…we do not know who he is and if we did…he is probably not a model citizen.  We write letters to her, talk to her on the phone, and we talk about her.

In time, this will become more of an issue….questions will come up that will be very hard for me to answer and very difficult for my niece to answer. With his illness, I have totally kept her in the loop and I have asked her opinion on what she would want to do.  In the end, Big Daddy and I will make the final decision but it will be made with the opinions of my niece, and my sister and her husband.  I value their opinions because, in the end, each person would give their lives for my baby.

I cannot change the fact that he grew in her belly.  She loves him.  I do not or will not ever doubt that.  Addiction just got in the way.  He will want to know why his brother and sister do not live with us…is his MaMaw his MaMaw or his aunt?  Are his brother and sister “technically” his cousins?  It can get messy….but for now, he is 3.

CLOSED:

Closed adoption (also called “confidential” adoption and sometimes “secret”adoption) is a process by which an infant is adopted by another family, and the record of the biological parent(s) is kept sealed. Often, the biological father is not recorded—even on the original birth certificate. This is from Wikipedia.

This is the type of adoptions that happened years ago (and some now, just not as often).  Cases were sealed, no one knew anything about each other.  I’m not a fan of secrecy, so there you have that.

SEMI OPEN:

semiopen adoption occurs when the potential birth mother or birth families experience non-identifying interaction with the adoptive families. In most cases, interaction is facilitated by a third party which is usually the adoption agency or attorney.  This is according to THIS SITE.

Now, in Brandi terms….a semi open adoption is something that we were going to choose had our birthmothers (yes, that is plural) had not chosen abortion.  See, we were friends with both of the birthmothers before we were chosen.  One situation was a long term friend and the other situation was a young person that I had befriended at work and had gotten close too.  Neither birthmom had any desire to parent their child and they both approached us with adoption.  We had an attorney, that we had had with our previous adoptions, so he was on standby.  All was well….until it wasn’t, but for the sake of privacy, I will not discuss that any further.

Anyway, I told both mamas that if they wanted to be a part of this child’s life (birthdays, holidays, grandparents, etc) that that would be fine, as long as there was no harm done to the child whether it was a physical harm or emotional.  I have never held back to my adopted children.  I believe that every child deserves to know their life (the good, the bad, and the ugly) before they age of 13 or so. We wanted the child(ren) to know that their birthparents loved them enough to give them life twice.  Once by birth and once by adoption.

We have a “sort of” open adoption with most of our children.  Our children we adopted from foster care, I have tracked down their parents (we have occasional contact with birthmom, one birth dad will NEVER be contacted, and one birth dad has chosen to ignore the fact that he has a child).  I have also purposed to have a relationship with their step brothers and sisters.  I cannot take away the fact that these kids have another family.  They will want to know where they come from, if they were loved, who they look like, and so forth.  If it is safe and controlled (which it is), then I see no problem in forming these relationships…paving the path for when they turn 18 and want to find their birthfamilies….I will have already paved the road, so to speak.  Now, with that being said, my kids are still young therefore, THEY have no contact with them (phone or in person), but they know that I talk with them and that when it is okay, that they can, as well.

Our son from Ethiopia…..our hands are tied.  We send a letter and pictures every year and we get a letter and pictures back every year.  We hope, soon, to be able to meet them.

I do not have a problem with semi open adoptions, as long as they are healthy and controlled.

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