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From the Outside Looking In

From the Outside Looking In

Do you ever stop and realize that jealousy has overcome your thoughts and emotions?  Well, From the Outside Looking In, this is where I am being convicted.  Honestly, I don’t even like the word jealousy, so I use the word covet LOL…like how is that any different?  LOL

I’m so extra!

There are times when I look at people, situations, homes, social media, etc. and I struggle.  They look like the happiest, most in-love couple.  Their houses are Hallmark worthy.  The kids are well dressed with awesome haircuts and their dogs don’t shed.

I mean, let’s be real.

Big Daddy and I have disagreements.  Now, we certainly don’t “fight” but we’ve had our issues over the years.  One issue, in particular, has taken me a lot of time to forgive and come to peace with.  My house has all sorts of different flooring, there are vomit stains on our carpet, pee stains that have warped my laminate, and it smells a bit like green onions and feet at all times.  The children wear the same clothes day in and day out.  I mean, seriously, these clothes can walk themselves to the laundry room.  However, I have learned how to cut hair, so if you want to be bald, buzzed, or go for the Amish look…I’m your girl!

My animals.

Well, I have Karl who is very much a lover of people but is quite the exhibitionist, so we gotta cover him up quite often.  Karen likes to lick your face and get in your personal space while you pee.  Chip is a bit crazy and likes to bite toes.  Inez, well, she isn’t my cat.  I have named her and I feed her, but she isn’t mine.

Francis is a senior dog and she has bad hips and a bad back.  We think she is going blind and she doesn’t hear as well as she used too.  Her anal glands are a bit potent.  Ted has short man syndrome.  His mouth doesn’t shut all the way so the tip of his tongue sticks out all the time.  Lola.  She fell off the couch and swallowed 4 teeth.  Honestly, she falls going up and downstairs.  She falls walking across the floor or getting in or out of her bed.  Also, she walks with her right leg up, at all times.  She thinks she is a princess.  When you pick her up, she is a nervous licker so you get the full effect of her breath which smells like sewage.

Nothing I own is nice.

Parts have flown off my van while I have driven down the road.  I have buttholes (literal) in my walls.  There was a child that was thrown through a wall and lest we forget the head that was plowed into the wall.  The leaves and frogs in my pool.  Our chicken nooses still hanging on the mancave.

This is our reality.

So when I see the images, my brain perceives one thing when the reality is so different.  I feel those fleshly feelings of wondering why my life cannot look or be like another.  That person has the perfect marriage.  This couple never has to worry about money.  Their kids are so respectful, see where I’m going?

YET the Lord has shown me that what I “think” I see is not reality.

There are so many instances of Him showing me this.  Honestly, I can distinctly remember when I was chatting with a friend that I perceived as having it all.  I mean, a Hallmark worthy home, great kids, great jobs, great marriage, always in church, etc.  It seems like nothing is out of their reach.

As I was speaking to her, I made a statement about something I had dealt with in my past and I looked over and tears were streaming down her face.  It caught me off-guard.  I sat there, in silence, with my arm around her.  At that moment, I knew that words did not need to be spoken, just love and silent prayers.  She shared, briefly, what was going on inside her Hallmark home and her heart was broken.

Which humbled me and broke my heart.  People, you just never know.  Unless your feet are under their table or you are able to jump into a person’s skin and walk around a mile or so in it…never assume.

The guilt I felt after the realization of truth was profound.

There are no perfect people.  Also, no perfect families.  My job is to love one another.  Share my story and use my story for His glory.  Do my best by my family and live a life honoring to God.  I need to stop coveting (being jealous) of others and be thankful for what the Lord has blessed me with.

Big Daddy, I adore.  My kids are precious.  The animals bring us joy, most of the time.  We have a home, vehicles, and the ability to pay our bills.  God is good, all the time and all the time God is good.

I need to get over myself.  Simple as that.

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Erica Duncan, LMT

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