I Can’t Save the World: September 16, 2011. Crap on the tiara….mess on the cape…..the world isn’t going to be saved by me.
What a crappy day filled with crappy drama and crappy people.
According to the dictionary “crappy” is an adjective or a describing word. It means to be “nasty, humiliating, insulting or unfair.” I would concur with that meaning and say that what was said about me was nasty, insulting and completely unfair (though humiliating doesn’t describe it at all).
I have am a “fixer” person.
I like to help people. My favorite thing to do is to see people succeed. To be all that they can be (no, I’m not in the army, though when people see me with my kids, they would beg to differ). I want people to know they have every opportunity to dream and attain their dreams, even when they screw up. There *are* second chances.
With everything going on in my life, with the challenges that my family has faced…..I have lost my fight. I’ve lost my will to defend. I’ve lost my ability to leave my emotions at the door. On any given day, I deal with reactive attachment disorder, learning disabilities, girl scouts, church duties, volunteer work, my job, my home, bullies, bad grades, evolution issues, and the ever-present adoption nastiness.
You know, when those (crazy people) who like butter on their bread (I’m not one of those people). Picture me as the bread and all the issues of life as the nasty, one molecule away from plastic, the cheap butter….the kind that merely will not spread no matter how hard you try. You take your knife, dip it into the “reactive attachment disorder” butter and try to spread it out…the bread begins to flake.
With each other issue (adoption, learning disabilities, etc.) you continue to dip your knife in, in hopes of something good coming out of it and each time you *try* to smear it on your bread, more chunks come off and eventually you are left with giant lumps of bread all over the table and a broken crust. That’s me…the broken crust. My butter is not getting any softer, and my bread is in tatters.
I’ve chosen to give up an important thing in my life and a not so important thing in my life. One was a hard decision the other was an easy decision.
Comparing my issues to the Cross is a whole nother ball of wax. Nothing I go through even holds a tiny flicker to what Jesus did on the Cross for me. He died with my name on His lips. He died to set me free, so I can be free and live in eternity with Him. I’m so thankful for what Jesus did for me.
I really really wish, though, God willing…..He would, for once, give me some spreadable butter. That’d be nice.