According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary,
A major characteristic of brain-damaged patients is the tendency to confabulate—to hide and dissemble about their damage. —Peter R. Breggin
Now, I have stumbled upon another site called FASD FAMILIES and though it is geared more towards younger FASD kids, it has a ton of useful information. One has to realize that, say a kid is 16 years old, physically. On a good day, with a few hiccups, they are developmentally, emotionally, or mentally 8 yrs old. When they are escalated, you are dealing with a 4 year old.
This is at no fault to the child but to the situation of why they have FASD, which causes prenatal brain damage that they deal with for the rest of their lives. The poor decision of a mother (or father), leads to a lifetime of struggles to their children. This author defines confabulation, as well, and I thought it was PERFECT.
CONFABULATION: The fancy word is confabulation. Some would say it’s lying. I think it’s more like their version of the story becomes their truth because they don’t know the difference between truth and reality. Once they tell a story, they accept it as gospel.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^YES, HOLLA, PREACH IT, YOU GO GIRL^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I have had a shitastic day with my oldest dd, 17…..I mean, if it wasn’t one thing, it was 500 others and the excuses flowed, the
lies confabulations were on point and I fell for it. I freaking fell for it.
These are the mistakes I made (in no particular order):
I asked a question, I knew the answer too.
I began escalating because she was escalated.
I’m not even in town to deal with it because I am in the hospital with another child.
I used too many words.
Other people were involved, though they were stepping in for an absent me not realizing they were jumping into quick sand.
We talked too long.
What an evil vicious cycle FASD is….or any of it! FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome), FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder), PFAS (Partial Fetal Alcohol Syndrome), ARND (Alcohol Related Neurodevelopment Disorder), ARBD (Alcohol Related Birth Defects). It is a horrific, invisible disease.
I feel as if I have failed as a parent because I cannot get through to these children, though we are the only family they remember. That damn Amygdala brain (primitive brain that remembers in utero to 3 yr memories). It is always there.
We have tried therapy, meds, regular dr visits, pastoral counseling, reading the Word, writing the Word, putting positive people in their lives, talking till I am blue in the face…nothing gets through. Nothing.
Now, the big question is….
HOW DO I PARENT THAT WITHOUT LOSING MY MIND?
The quick answer is “I have no clue.” The longer answer is “I REALLY have no clue.”
I guess it is time to not only continue to study about OMS, to help Hunter…but to find the answers.