Family, Medical

Where I Have Been

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Are ^^^^^^^these^^^^^^^flowers not gawgeous???????  I mean, seriously.  I guess I should’ve found a pic of March Flowers since they are out and about this month.  Oh, how I love them.  My sister calls them Jonquils, cause she is so fancy and all.

I call them March Flowers or Easter Flowers…..what do you call them?

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Anyway…where I have been for the last month.  I’ve spent this time reflecting on some things and dealing with some not so pleasant things.  I’ve come to term with issues and I’ve grieved.  I’ve cried a lot.  I’ve angered people and I’ve been angered.  Life.  I’ve been living life.

My marriage is good.  We always have things to work on and my husband does have things that he wants to work on, for him….not for me.  I want to work on my resolve, my weight, and my thought process.

Health wise……I’ve been better.  Physically, I have recovered from a hysterectomy and bladder surgery.  The process was a suckfest, but the outcome is glorious 🙂  Mentally and emotionally, this has been one of the hardest and longest seasons of my life.  I have been struggling with depression and anxiety since May 2015.  I have clocked more time in hospitals, in the last 3 yrs, than I have in my entire life…that includes giving birth.  My marriage took a hit in that month in a big and mighty way.  My daughter, after 11 years, had to leave our home for a time to allow us all to heal.  One of my son’s had surgery.  Another son is showing the massive effects of FASD.  A daughter got married.  A daughter wants to get married.  My baby was diagnosed with a life altering condition.  My Lady died.  My daddy has gone through a stroke and quadruple bypass.  My niece finally landed in prison for the next 8-10 yrs.  Just so much.  Three of my beloved dogs died.

It has been hard.  Epically hard.  I’ve upped my regular antidepressants.  I’ve started exercising.  I’m back on my sleeping meds to help me sleep…yet it still was bad.  I felt like I was in a deep hole and could not see the pinpoint of light to climb out.  I finally had to yield to my family physician about my panic attacks and anxiety and that the meds were not working like they once did.  He changed up a couple of things and he added a couple of things and I finally am beginning to feel a bit more human.

Life….it gets in the way of grandiose plans.  I have learned that I must give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thess 5:18).  I’ve learned to not lean on my own understanding because His ways are higher than my ways.  I’ve also learned that I cannot control life.  That is not my job.  When I try to do this job, the Lord just sits back and snickers and then throws me another curveball until I yield to Him and what He wants me to do.

I have a lot of thoughts, a lot of ideas, swirling around in my head.  I feel like I have plans, but trying to get those plans out is like nailing jello to a wall.  They are there, just not ready to be nailed down.  For now, I revel in the fact that my marriage is good now.  Big Daddy has stopped trying to fix it and he just listens.  My Lady loved the Lord with all her heart and might and soul….I will see her again, though I still grieve.  My daddy loves the Lord and that gives me such comfort.  My meds are working.  We gave an old, broken, special needs cat a home, we now have another little dog that is a senior and quite sweet.  My son is still not well.  My daughter may have to leave again sooner than I would want.  My son (with FASD)…well…we aren’t sure what to do there.  My other boys/girls are all plugging along and praise be to God, school is almost over.  My kids have worked so hard to get all that I require done and their reward is getting done in a couple of weeks instead of a couple of months.

I’m planning on cleaning/purging/minimalizingish my home…..when my home is simple and our belongings are simple, my mind clears up.  We are planning our Make a Wish trip, which will be super exciting.  We are still plugging away, and doing well at, our budgeting.  Plus, next year will be our 25 wedding anniversary and our goal is to go to Europe.  There have been relationships restored between our members of our family and though my niece is not where I want her to be…..she and Jesus are becoming BFFs 🙂

^^^^This is a before and after of Karole^^^^

^^^^This is Ted before and after^^^^

2 thoughts on “Where I Have Been”

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