As I was working with Little Man and Catfish, yesterday, my mind started that swirling and twirling that it does. Sometimes that is good and sometimes that is not so good.
I’m not sure what this time would be classified as.
We were studying the American flag and all the rules that are associated with how to handle the flag. One rule, is that you cannot fly another nation’s flag with the American Flag. I’m sorry to say, that that is a rule that I might have to break. With one of my children being from Ethiopia, I want him to honor that country as much as he honors America. People fought for rights there, as well as, here.
That isn’t what got my mind swirling and twirling.
LM was coloring his nations flag and I told him what colors to put and where to put them…we wanted it to be correct. I told him to color inside the lines and to make it pretty. He did…he did a great job.
Then, I got to thinking about a conversation that Big Daddy and I had the other day (yes, my mind goes to a thousand different places at once). We were talking about a possibility that is coming up and a big decision that we have to make. When my husband was asked to be in this position (can’t really mention it right now), I just looked at him and asked “do the people that recommended you for this opportunity KNOW who your wife is?” He asked me what I meant….I meant that I don’t wear taupe. I don’t conform and where most people are happy to color inside the box….there is no box in my world. I have hot pink hair….I am loud…..I eat parmesan cheese out of the jar with a spoon…..I am opinionated…..I laugh at inappropriate times…I speak my mind….I love bohemian clothes that are tie dyed……do they REALLY want you in this position KNOWING that I am standing behind you.
My husband is soft spoken, slow to anger, in likes his box, he believes when you color a landscape picture that the sky should be blue and the grass should be green…I don’t do that. I love abstract, creative, wild, and loud things….I do my best work under pressure and surrounded by chaos.
I have tried to conform and be the person that people can think “oh, she has it all together.” I don’t have it all together…my pieces of life are scattered from here to Timbuktu. I know where all my pieces are because I’m an organized kind of flower child. I have all these beautiful ankle length bohemian skirts that I choose not to wear because people will look at me and go “there she goes again.”
I’m so tired of that crap.
I want to laugh.
I want to enjoy life.
I want Jesus to ooze from my pores.
I want pink hair, comfortable clothes, and beads that were handmade by beautiful women in Africa.
So, when you see me out and my beads are clinking next to each other and my hair matches my skirt…..don’t focus on what you see on the outside and automatically assume that I am a flighty person who doesn’t have a thought in my mind. Look at my eyes because in being myself, loving myself, and knowing everyday that “Joy comes in the morning” (Ps. 30:5)…you are looking at a person who is happy and is confident.
I may not have it all together all the time but today, I choose joy.