I am so pleased to find another adoptive mom of many who is as passionate about the same things I am! We do not live in the same city, or state for that matter….we have never even met in person, but we have a common passion…adopting older children. This mama is also a RAD mama to one of her children. She will be posting, regularly (I hope), on her life and what it is like living and raising a child with RAD. She will also be talking about adoption, older child adoption, domestic, international, special needs and all sorts of fun stuff! As always, feel free to comment, but I will be monitoring all comments because hatefulness will not be tolerated. We do (Megan and I) both encourage differences of opinions, new ideas, constructive criticism, honesty, but flat out crap talk will not be tolerated….so….if you don’t like what she (or I) posts….then stop reading 🙂 It really is that easy. I’m so excited!
Give Older Children a Chance
Before I dive too far into this post let me first introduce myself- I am honest, stubborn, passionate, a lover of free-style dancing, a shop-a-holic, a wife, and mother to 6 (adopted) children whom were never our “plan b,” Megan. I think that about sums it up.
Whether or not to adopt an older child: that is the question. The answer you ask? It is simply…do. Yes, it really is that simple- do it. How can it be that simple? Well, is an older child any less deserving of being adopted? No. See? Simple.
Of my 6 children, 4 were adopted at an older age. Their ages upon homecoming were 8, 9, 10, and 11—two girls and two boys. All four have given us different experiences and all four have forever changed our lives. We did not save them; in fact they saved us. They saved us from a life of selfishness, a life of never seeing the broader picture. They saved us from ourselves.
That sounds great, right? Who wouldn’t want a spiritual awakening, an earth-shaking change? Well…it’s not all rainbows and daffodils. In fact, it’s hard. It’s really hard, but it’s worth it. Oh God is it worth it.
My oldest girls are counterparts. One is vivacious, has a booming personality, and laughs more than she cries. The other is more reserved, searching our faces for comfort, but longing for true, unconditional love. What they have in common is trauma. They come from broken pasts, a history of failed promises, from a mother who never invested in them—a life no child should ever have to lead. Adoption was their only hope. Adoption was and is the beam of light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel. However, one of my daughters is still stuck at the beginning of her tunnel, still searching for the light. Occasionally we see a ray of sun has found its way into her vision and we collapse in joy. We collapse in knowing that she is not lost, she is just not yet found.
My boys came from opposite ends of the earth but are so alike it’s scary. One from Ethiopia and one from America. Most would snarl their faces with the thought of adopting an older child, let alone an older boy but not us. We see a chance where many see a challenge. Thank the heavens above that we said yes to these two. They are sweet, endearing, athletic, smart, hard working, and have such a fierce love for life that it would knock over even the most optimistic of people. They have defied every odd and thrown every statistic out the window! Sure, they grieve and have moments where their pain is so real and raw that it crumbles me to pieces, but again I say it is so worth it.
Still unsure? It would change the birth order of your family, your paperwork is only approved for an infant? Yeah we had the same “issues,” but we answered the call our children were singing anyway. We set fire to the rain and watched it pour…We made the changes we needed to make, prepared our younger children, spoke to our families even though some didn’t agree, and did what we had to do to bring our babies home.
Don’t adopt an older child, or any child, because you want to save them, do it because you want to save yourself; because it will be so worth it.
*Stay tuned for more posts on adopting the older child, foster care adoption, RAD, and life as an adoptive parent of 6 by Megan M!