Adoption Series: Question 3


  1. What is the one question that you think should NEVER be asked regarding your adoption(s)?

Jill K.

No one should ask -how much did they cost.

Ashley S.

Why are you adopting here (insert place) instead of (here) when there are so many children in need? Or… “Why are you spending that much money when you could use it to do this other thing (like cure hunger or whatever)?” For me, these questions aren’t people wanting to learn… these are just people being rude. The truth is, God loves ALL orphans EVERYWHERE. If I could give homes to ALL kids, I would. It tears me up in a very real way to see children needing homes. I don’t see skin color or geographic location, I see children of God. Period. God told us we had a son (specifically) in Africa. So, we went. WE didn’t care what gender, personally, so we told our agency we’d take either. Turns out, He gave us a son as promised. We know we have another child out there, somewhere… but, we don’t know where. We are currently an open foster home, but would love to adopt again (from anywhere). We are waiting for God to move, but I’m secretly hoping someone will just appear and say, “You’re supposed to be the momma to my baby.” Not likely, but it’d sure take the guesswork out for me…

Other than that, if you have a REAL question and a humble heart, I’m happy to answer questions…even when you word them wrong. Sometimes, we just don’t know till someone teaches us. You know?


I agree with someone else who said that it is best not to complain about all the stuff people say. That being said, there are a few things that people have said to me that I believe are just not appropriate and I have had a hard time tolerating. The first is the comments about how if my children misbehave, I can always send them back to where they came from. One person said I can always take them back to the store I bought them from. What bothered me the most is that both times I have heard this it has been said in front of the kids and I never want the kids to think I would ever send them back anywhere….. The other thing that bothers me are those that comment that they can always call social services, the police, etc. to keep an eye on us- suggesting that the kids can get taken away. These comments have never been said to us for any reason. It has never been part of a conversation or any event- just something that someone will come up and say. What I find disturbing about all these comments I have pointed out is that they suggest the breakup of a family that I love so much and the last thing I want is for my kids to think that the family being broken up is a consideration. I would put these in the category of things to never say to an adoptive family, especially in front of the kids.


For more information on the participants adoption stories…please visit their personal blogs.

Jill K.:

Mandy Gerrald:…/

Warren Myers:…/adoption-is-not-a-rescue-its…/

Ashley Sanders:

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