Adoption Series: Question 2
- What is the one question you get asked, more times than not, and how do you respond?
- are they brothers? (We adopted two boys).Ummmmm yes they are brothers by adoption.b. I was also asked a lot at first if they were twins. I would say, no they are 8 months apart. They would look at me in shock and say “how did you do that?” I would politely say adoption is a wonderful thing. But what I wanted to say is, ummmmm can you not see that they are a very different race than I am and what a dumb question. Or sometimes I thought about saying, “it was a miracle!”
c. I have also been asked, why didn’t you use our foster care system? To which I answer, it was not feasible for us at the time. Which is true in many ways.
- This is not a question but the thing I HATE being told is “what a good thing you have done.” “Good for you rescuinga couple orphans, how generous.” or “they are so blessed to have you”. Many of these are followed with, I just could never do that. To which I respond, we wanted sons and we are blessed to have them.Charity adoption is, in my opinion a bad reason to add to your family.
“How much did he cost?” and… “So, did you just go over there and pick him out?” As skilled as I am in sarcasm, I can sense the hearts of people. And, while I don’t love the wording, I understand they are really curious. I was too, to be honest.
So, I tell them the truth but reword it. I explain that HE cost the same as the rest of us… Jesus on a cross… but if they mean how much did the adoption cost… well that was $xx,xxx amount of money and here’s kind of how it’s broken down. Most of it is for lawyers and people filing paperwork and travel. A lot of work goes into adoption.
The most frequently asked question or opinion I get, sometimes even said in front of my child, is, “Why did you adopt overseas. There are a lot of children in the foster care system that need a home and it wouldn’t have cost you any money.” This is usually a lack of education on how adoption actually works. People imagine US children just sitting around in foster care while people are going to other countries to adopt…but in reality there are many people who chose to adopt domestically…however, adopting from the foster care system isn’t as easy as just going to pick them up from the foster home and taking them into your home, and just because it is in the US doesn’t mean that it won’t cost anything. I know plenty of families who have been stuck in a domestic adoption battle for years, legal fees are killing them financially, meanwhile the children are being dragged through the system.
For more information on the participants adoption stories…please visit their personal blogs.
Jill K.: http://jkdcolorado.blogspot.com
Mandy Gerrald: http://mandyelise.com/what-one-family-wants-you-to-know…/
Warren Myers: http://warrenmyers.com/…/adoption-is-not-a-rescue-its…/
Ashley Sanders: http://www.bosssanders.com/resources