And the Winner is…..ME!!!!!!!!

 

It has been a TOUGH first week back at school.

We I say tough

I mean

Gnashing of teeth

Ripping my clothes

Stabbing myself in the eye with a spork

Tears

Discipline

Time Outs

Hiding under the table in a fetal position eating cheese.

I see all these beautiful posts from first time homeschoolers and I see their cute little rooms all set up and the excitement is so fun to see.

Then I think to myself, I say “self, why don’t you do all of that?”

Then I realize that most of these sweet mamas have one or two kids that they are lovingly going to teach and they are going to make great memories.

All of these children are biological, healthy, fantastic kiddos who have never seen a harsh thing in their bitty little lives.

I praise God for those sweet babies and the sacrifices that their mamas are making.

My family doesn’t share that story.

We have kids who had TOUGH beginnings.

They have seen or done more, in utero, than most adults will ever go through!

There has been no health care provided to pregnant mamas.

Drug/alcohol abuse pre and post natal

Neglect

Abuse…physical, emotional, mental, and sexual.

There have been times when they have been hungry or starving.

Some have brains that just don’t want to work like a “normal, healthy” kids brain would work.

This makes me so sad.

I praise God for them being given life.

I praise God for Him bringing them to us.

Then I want to cry because my frustration level is through the roof.

I get so upset when I say the same thing over and over and over and over again, only to be met with blank stares and confusion.

I hear

My brain doesn’t work.

I’m not smart.

I can’t do it.

It is too hard.

What is wrong with me?

I want to have a great year with book racks, full set curriculum that is the correct grade level for each kid.  I want posters and calendars.  I want a chalkboard and many manipulatives.

This is not what I have.

I have a school closet.

I have kids that are in MULTIPLE grade levels for each child.  Not one child is just in 1st grade.  They are in Pre-k, K and first because of the different needs.  One kid is in 1, 2, 3 and 4th grade for different subjects.

I have books everywhere.

Computers everywhere.

Notebooks, pencil shavings, papers strewn from here to high heaven.

Two kids flank me at the table.

One kid moves from the dining room to the living room to the master bedroom depending on the subject.

I have a rusher and one who never comes out of her bedroom.

Homeschool is not for everyone.  Public school is not for everyone.  Private school is not for everyone.  It is the conviction of the family to choose what works best for them.  Right now, in this season, I would love to bite the tires on the school bus and give up.

I know that is not what I need to do.

I will choose to praise Him in this storm.  I will lift my hands.

I will pray for Him to control my thoughts, emotions and anger outbursts.

I will pray that He keeps me sensitive to not compare myself to others and to remember that some of my kids have been gifted with some special needs.

I will hand over control to the One who holds the world in His mighty hands.

Through Him, I will overcome and this will be a successful year.

If you don’t hear from me….please make sure someone feeds and waters me.  I will be under the table.

Blessings to all you new homeschooling mamas out there!

Remember to breathe!!!!!!!!!

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