Something That Strikes Me
I read a few blogs, faithfully. It is neat to see other large families, who love the Lord, and have a heart for adoption. The one thing that sort of puts a bee in my bonnet is the fact that the life that they live seems perfect.
Everyone loves each other.
Everyone gets along.
There are no outbursts.
School is always completed with a smile.
House is spotless.
They like to sit around and sing Kumbaya while roasting marshmellows.
Though some of the children have special needs (aka RAD, learning disabilities, FAS, etc), they are miraculously symptom and behavior free because they were “loved” enough.
Scripture flows freely.
There is no need for discipline.
There are no fights.
All the meals are homemade.
There is no shortage of money.
They have a built in activity center in their backyards.
These things stress me out….yet I keep coming back to reading them because….well, I don’t know 🙂
That is clearly not my life. My mom tells me that there are times when my life seems perfect because I am always baking, cooking, or organizing.
Let me tell you something, people, I am medicated 🙂 My stress relief is organizing things. I love it. It makes me happy. When things are out of place, I can go all sorts of OCD on you. I love to bake and create. It is my thing.
Big Daddy used to joke and say over the course of our marriage (almost 20 years), he has never had the same thing twice. This is my escape. Some people read, take long baths, go for walks, or just yell….me, I organize, bake, eat my cheese, drink my coke, and take my pill.
I never want to come across as having a life that is within the realm of perfection. My house is dirty….like my foot sticks to the floor in the kitchen because someone didn’t do their chores. I pick up more dog crap, in one day, then most people do in a lifetime because my little Lola doesn’t like to go in the snow.
I have piles upon piles of clean clothes in my bedroom because I *hate* to hang them up, so Big Daddy and I just sift through the pile. My bed is never made up. My boys room smells like feet and sweat. That birthday cake that I made…Peach was supposed to decorate it and when she walked into the kitchen, I lost all sense of propriety and bit her head off.
Seriously people….that is sad.
I am a recovering yeller.
Big Daddy and I argue…not a lot and most is just being silent, but still that body language is there.
My kids fight.
Learning disabilities suck.
My dining room table is COVERED with school stuff (as is the floor around the table, the kitchen table, the bar, and one spot in the living room).
I hide in my bedroom every Sunday because in the words of my youngest son “you are done parenting today.”
I “suit up” with my 2 girl friends just so I can sit with someone and talk adult talk.
I don’t have time to read.
There is dust 5 inches thick on any given day.
I love to bake. I love to cook, but I do not have everyone in the kitchen helping me. It stresses me out.
There are days when I can’t find my cellphone (or it is dead or not turned on), so the likelihood of me answering a text is zero. There is nothing I have against you, I’m not mad….I just am not attached at the hip to it.
My life is filled with therapy, doctors appointments, dogs, school, laughter, and tears.
I sang Kumbaya in the car today….it frightened the children 🙂
My backyard is full of cat poop, the smell of a horse, hoses strung from here to high heaven, toys, trash, leftover food, and shoes. Our outside activities consist of a couple of bikes, the driveway, and some sidewalk chalk.
I struggle with depression.
I have trust issues.
My life is not perfect.
I don’t want it to be.
I want to reflect the Jesus that lives in me.
I am a hardcore mama to a lot of kids.
I will never pretend, on this blog or in life, that I (or my family) is perfect. I will always be real. I will always write about the good and the bad. I will always give credit to the One who sustains me. I want to constantly strive to be that Proverbs 31 woman, though I will never be that woman this side of heaven.
I want to love my Lord with all my heart and soul.
I want to respect my husband.
I want to love my children.
I want to be debt free.
I want to live within my means.
I want to teach my girls out to be Godly wives and mothers. Just as I want my husband to teach my boys to be Godly husbands.
I want to shout out loud and proud I LOVE CATS. I do….I really really do. I would 50, in the house, if Big Daddy said okay.
So, if you see that I’m putting on a face that simply doesn’t not line up with the above…call me on it. I may cry, but I will do it privately 🙂