Let’s Just Say
That it is your daughter who has someone interested in her.
He comes for dinner.
An unexpected guest.
He is a hugger…this you did not know.
Large, strange man hugging you. Weird.
With great wonder, he comments on how *wonderful* and *large* your home is.
Then, there is a moment of “ma’am, may I please speak to you.”
You sit so he can speak.
In a previous conversation you asked questions such as:
“What was the last book of the Bible you read?”
Answer: Psalm 91
“What is your favorite verse?”
Answer: Uhhhhh….the first one.
“Have you read the book of Habakkuk?”
Answer: It is in the Old Testament, right? If it is short, I will go home and read it.
“If I searched your name on google, what would I find?”
Answer: “Ah, nothing ma’am…I just watch Godtube.
Then the truth comes out…..
He walks into your home and hands you a manila envelope.
He states that he wants to be honest and hands you his arrest record.
You must give the boy props for coming clean. Hold no grudges, everyone can change.
“What are your intentions with my daughter?”
Answer: I don’t want to have sex until I’m married.
**choke back the vomit, ask for a coke and possibly a valium**
“No, we are not talking about sex. What are you wanting from knowing my daughter?”
Answer: Oh, ma’am, they tell me in AA that I can’t be in a relationship until I have been sober for a year.
“You are an alcoholic. Okay. You are in recovery. Good for you. How long have you been sober?”
Answer: Not a year.
Boy exits….after another hug and a surprise photo op because he wants the “memory” of being here.
Is it *just* my life?
There was more to the conversation. So. Much. More. Bug requested our friends come over to help “assess” the situation.
Aside from my short friend, her kids, my husband and me…this is who greeted him.
Say a hearty hello to the Man in the Woods.
So, for all those boys out there that may be interested in any of my daughters…take notes. The Man in the Woods can look a bit scary, Big Daddy will never smile at you, Pammy may be short but she knows things, and apparently I am intimidating.
You have been warned 🙂