In the world of adoption, whether it be international, domestic, closed, open, semi-open, etc…it is hard. The emotional side of adoption is hard to explain when you have never walked that path.
When Big Daddy and I decided to adopt, it was in obedience to the call of James 1:27 “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” We didn’t think too much outside of wanting to give a child a forever family.
That is all well and good. Adoption is a beautiful thing. As Christians, we are adopted into God’s family. But…there is a flip side to that coin. The birth family. Some birth mothers choose to give their children life, not once (physically) but twice (through the beauty of adoption and selflessness). There are other families who choose a different path. The path of not making right choices, not seeking the help that is available and these children end up being taken from their families and placed in the foster care system because of abuse and/or neglect.
With Little Man, his mom (through love, self sacrifice and prayer) decided to give our son life twice by making that sacrifice. We love her, we pray for her and if we could, we would adopt her and the rest of her children OR we would gladly send them money to help them remain in the country they love. A country we love. A country that I hope my son is proud to be from. Sadly, we can’t adopt an adult and her children and because of red tape, we can’t send money to them. All we can do is pray for them and tell our son how much his mom sacrificed and loved him.
With my other two children, born in the heart, they were taken from their family because of poor choices and abuse/neglect. Those things I will not go into because it is their story to tell, but I will go into their extended family. I have been doing a lot of research, lately and I have discovered that my children have biological siblings and nieces & nephews that they do not know about. These siblings have not heard any news about my kids, whether they are well, alive, safe, loved in seven years….do they wonder about them? Are they waiting for that phone call? Do they have a picture of the last time they saw my kids and think “what are they doing, how are they doing?” I don’t know. I would wonder. I would want to know.
Eventually, in my opinion, my children will want to know about their past, however hard it may be. They will want to know who their siblings are and who their gparents are. They will want to know if I will help them find them. I do not want them to ever think that I kept them from their bio family or that I chose to just “forget” and not care. That is a fear of mine. It may be an unrealistic fear, but it is still there. I pray that the Lord guides our decisions regarding what we will do and when we will do it.
For now, I gather information, print pictures of people that I feel could be important to my kids and pray. It is a hard situation because of the abuse and neglect that is in their path. Their siblings may choose not to believe what happened and I won’t ask them too. The evidence is proof enough. I just know that my kids will want to know that they have family, out there, with the same blood running through their veins.
I had a dear friend, growing up, who was an only child and adopted (closed). I remember us walking down the road and her fantasizing about her biological family and determined to find them, one day. It didn’t lessen the love she had for her adoptive family, she just wanted to know. Wanted to find someone who looked like her, had the same manner-isms as she did, etc. That conversation has been burned in my brain for 30 yrs. She, eventually, found her family. She has somewhat of a relationship with them, but she discovered who she looked like, that she had siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins and grandparents. It has brought her closure and peace.
Peace…that is what I want for my kids….whether right or wrong to find their birthfamily, to contact them, to not contact them…..I don’t know. I want to follow the Lord’s guidance, be prepared, be willing, say yes when it doesn’t make sense, say no when it does(n’t) make sense and be ready. The day will come. I pray that the Lord prepares my children’s hearts, our hearts and their biological families hearts.