What a morning. What. A. Morning. I have heard through the grapevine that my son, Catfish (8), has been asking questions about the “brown haired lady”. By grapevine, I mean one of my other children 🙂 I have thought on it and prayed about and thought today was the day (because tomorrow is therapy) to answer a few questions. I called him upstairs and sat him down. I asked if he had any questions and tears immediately started. He was so sad that he couldn’t remember what she looked like, so I showed him a picture.
Tears flowed freely.
He asked about her, if she loved him, why she didn’t keep him, where she is now…..I answered all the questions that I could possibly answer and the ones I couldn’t, I was honest. Even through tears and pain, I was honest.
I firmly believe that adoption should not be a taboo subject in a home. It should be openly discussed and bits and pieces of that puzzle need to be shared, when the time is right and enough information to satisfy your child. His story is not simple. It is not easy. It was one of loss, abuse and neglect. Eventually, he will know the whole story…before puberty and hormones take over. Once they take over, it is harder because they begin blaming themselves. At this age, they take it as fact.
We talked about, in a perfect world, before Eve ate the forbidden fruit, that his mom and dad would’ve been married, happy, healthy and able to take care of the kids…the way God intended. Sadly, though we do not live in a perfect world. We live in a fallen world. Though we still live in that fallen world, God still has a plan and a purpose. He knew, from before the beginning of time, that Catfish would live under one woman’s heart and be raised by a woman where he lived IN my heart. I explained that God will use this yuckiness and make something beautiful out of such ash, that he would, one day, be able to use his story for God’s glory.
It was hard. It was sad. He was pathetic, but during his pathetic moment….I told him that there is one thing that he could do. He looks up at me with tear filled eyes and said “I have to forgive him and the brown haired lady.” I said yes, you do. We talked about the beauty of forgiveness and just because we forgive, it doesn’t mean we have to ever see that person again. That forgiveness isn’t about letting the abuser off the hook, it is about his healing and following in Jesus’ footsteps. Jesus died with the abuser’s name on His lips…He died with how he hurt my son and that sin, on His lips and He forgave.
We also talked about the salvation of his biological parents and that it is okay for us to pray for them to know God and be saved because that is what God wants from all of His children. This world is a sad, painful place…but if we allow God to work through us and learn to forgive…those acts alone can be the single rose amongst thorns. Beauty rising from ashes.
Whether you adopt domestically, privately, through foster care, internationally…be prepared to share your child’s story. Don’t be afraid of it, but open and encouraged.