It is a tricky thing, to judge someone. To judge their actions, their lifestyle, their words, their parenting…..is it okay, though when the statement comes through as “we are concerned about…” Yet, the words that follow are clearly judgmental and accusatory.
I will be the first to admit, I’m not “guilt free” of judging others. I try not too, I’m extremely conscience of it, but at times, I know that I judge. Then, I am saddened. I hear horrible stories of horrible choices made by lost people. I hear horrible stories of horrible choices by people who are saved. I see horrible things because of horrible choices. It is so easy to cast that first stone, but when you look closely, you should be dinging yourself with that stone instead of throwing it at others.
You absolutely have no idea what is truly going on in another persons life or family. You may see a small snippet, here and there, at Walmart, at church, at school…..but is that snippet that you see worth making a judgment call on that person’s life? Do you live with them? Do you attend doctors appts with them? Do you attend therapy appts with them? Do you sit with your feet under their table and eat with them? No, you don’t. When you think of the 15 minutes per week that you see this person, think twice before judging and covering that judgment up with the words of “I’m concerned”.
This is the face that I see more times than not. Well meaning people with too much time on their hands who choose to show “concern” which is really a judgment call on how I choose to live my life and raise my children. Am I perfect, no…not by a long shot. I don’t pretend to be, either. For years, I’ve put on a mask for people that I’ve encountered. A different mask for each person, including my husband, my family, my friend and my church. It was exhausting trying to fit the mold of what each person expected me to be. It was hard, feeling that if they saw the “true me” they wouldn’t like me and I would be left alone. Then, I realized that the Lord created me to be beautiful, to resemble His Son and that I was beautifully and wonderfully made. That was the day the masks went away. I am who I am. I make no apologies for it. I do my best to live in the Lord’s light and to raise my children according to His will. I will not change for anyone. I will only do what the Lord wants me to do and I’m still a huge lump of clay that He molds, daily.
I’ve had to develop a thick skin, when it comes to my children. My children are all different. They are require different parenting styles, especially as they grow older. When my daughter with RAD came to live with us, it challenged everything I knew, everything I believed, every parenting/discipline style I had….everything. I “shared” with “friends” about our struggles and about her issues and I quickly realized that was not the avenue to take. Those “friends” who were well-meaning, did nothing but judge and they did so very harshly. They saw the charmer, the angelic child, the unscathed child, the hurt little puppy who just wanted to be loved. They didn’t, however, see the violence, the 4 hr rages, the lies, the manipulation, the hoarding, the gorging…..they didn’t live with us, therefore when I spoke of issues that we needed prayer over, they informed me that I was too rough on her, that I was crazy, that she was fine and it was me. That love heals all wounds. I felt as if I was living in a glass house and “concerned” people would be gawking through my windows. They would be throwing those stones and cracking our windows.
That’s when I stopped. I stopped “sharing”. I stopped asking for prayers. I stopped. Until I felt safe, again…..once I felt safe, I chose to open up, a little…and guess what, a new crop of “concerned” people began casting their stones. Maybe I’m sensitive, that could be the problem. But my gut says stop. Keep to yourself. Pull back. Remove yourself from the situation. Put on your mask and pretend that you don’t live with a time bomb. I’m hurt, right now, beyond imagination. I’m getting all that hurt out, in words, rather than doing what my flesh says to do. I know of 2 people who know the situation and are praying for peace, for me and for me not to get in the flesh. I know I also have a husband who walks down this path with me. He sees more than 15 minute snippets, his feet are under my table. He knows. He knows truth and he is the only one that truly sees my pain regarding raising a difficult child and being hurt by well meaning Christians who are “concerned”. I am thankful for that. I’m thankful that I can be who I am, be the wife I am and the mother I am and all I see out of him is love and prayers.
I choose to remain silent I choose to follow the words of my Master in Exodus 14:14 “God will fight for you, you need only to be still.”