Revelations of RAD

Sometimes it is hard to see things, when you are so close to the situation and your view is skewed.  My view of RAD is skewed.  It has been a HARD 5 yrs since our daughter with RAD came to live with us.  We knew we were her last chance before going to a girls home and I couldn’t bear to send this doe-eyed little blue eyed girl away.  I thought we could heal her with stability and love.  LOL…that’s what I get for thinking.  God has a plan, He has a purpose and His purpose was for us to raise this little girl, in His light.  Let me say…we have tremendously failed because we were trying to do it in our power and might and not in His.  

Over time, it has affected every aspect of our life.  We didn’t seek His counsel, we sought outside counsel through therapists, friends, family, the internet, books, etc.  We didn’t seek His face.  We were (and are) aware of this, now….after 5 yrs.  I had a long talk with G and I explained what we had done and what we hadn’t done.  We wanted to put a bandaid on her past, love her, show her a real family and we “assumed” that would fix her.  Reality check:  WE CAN’T FIX HER.  Nor do I really have the desire to fix her anymore.  I’m tired.  I’m tired of the fighting, I’m tired of the constant struggle, I’m tired of the pain, I’m tired of the yelling.  I.Am.Tired.

In the Word, it states that when we are weak, He is strong.  I am weak, therefore I look to Him for my strength.  We can’t fix her, we can’t change her past.  It is what it is and God has a purpose and a plan for the past that she has had.  He will use it, eventually, to His glory.  We have made a difficult decision (for those with kids with RAD, you know what that means)…we have decided to *gasp* home school her :/  I had no intentions of EVER bringing her back home.  She needed the break from us and we needed the break from her.  Problem is, is that, in school, there is a daily reminder of her past.  There can be no healing when you, literally see, members of your past.  I fought with God.  I had my plan.  I didn’t want to stray from my plan.  It was my plan, it was a good plan….yet He had other plans.

He chose to bring my son home.  He chose for my son to come into this home with new eyes and to see the G the way He sees her.  In doing that, I have gotten a glimpse of who He sees in her.  He allowed the scales to fall off my eyes, for a moment, and allow me to see the child that He created.  Abinet LOVES her.  Not just a little, but a whole whole lot.  He is concerned with her whereabouts, he wants to play with her, sit with her and in the still of the night…I hear him call from his room to her room “I love you G.”  He loves her for her.  He doesn’t know of the scars, the last horrid 5 yrs, the thoughts of sending her to a Christian boarding school, the thoughts of “why did we say yes.”  We said yes to this broken child because He said yes to us.  God chose me, I have asked His Son to come in my heart and heal the brokenness.  He took the “last chance girl” and He gave me a chance.  He gave me unconditional love and He heals without bandaids. I see clearly now.  I see how He has used my new son to show me the love of His Son.  I am in awe.

So, I surrendered to His plan.  She, along with the other 5, are home schooling.  it has been okay, though we have our moments.  I have, though, a daily reminder of God’s love of us, broken “last chance” children and I’m grateful.  I’m grateful that He sent His Son to die for us and I’m grateful that He sent my son to show me how to love.  I will have bad days, I will have good days, and I will have days where I wonder what on earth He was thinking to call me to this task.  I’m confident, that as long as I have a solid, growing relationship with my Master, that I can accomplish anything He gives me because He leads my path.

Allow Him to lead your path.


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