These are the days of my life

Life, it is a funny thing.  Sometime, I feel like God is sitting up, on a cloud, looking down and laughing at me.  It isn’t a bad thing, but I have all these ideals, yet I choose not to consult Him.  He has His plan, for me, shakes things up a bit and then snickers as I fumble around trying to make sense out of the things that have occurred.

Do you ever feel like that?

I have questioned, I have cried, I have begged, I have pleaded, I have resorted to my own ways to finish things and finally, I sit back, let Him work and things get “fixed” in His time.  I still have the consequences of my actions, and it stinks.  Whoever said that God doesn’t discipline the ones that are His, has never been in my house.  

I struggle with idleness.  I found, before I started work, that I would sit in my chair and delegate.  What are kids for, if they don’t do things around the house.  I simply didn’t know how bad I had gotten, till I began work and didn’t have “time” to properly do anything.  Laundry piled up, the house always smelled, trash was overflowing, teeth were yellow (kids, not mine), forms didn’t get signed because they were under a pile of bills and junk mail.  I vowed that if the Lord were to choose to let me stay home, then I would not let things get out of hand.  I’ve done well.  I’ve done things, my kids keep their rooms clean and they help me, but they don’t have sole responsibility to do them on their own.  I’ve kept supper on the table, more times than not, laundry is caught up, bathrooms smell good and teeth get brushed twice a day.  I’m happy.  

I still have trials.  I still have a daughter with RAD that is difficult to parent.  I’m now homeschooling 4.5 out of 6 kids (I work some with Little Man and my son with RAD is still in PS till May).  I have papers graded, I have curriculum and schedules laid out.  I’m there, I’m prepared, but I still struggle with my thoughts. I struggle with my idleness.  I still feel as if I’m not doing enough and I crave approval.  I got angry with Big Daddy because the words “thank you” don’t come out of his mouth very often.  I want to hear that, but my worth is not found in Big Daddy.  It is found in He who loves me and died for me.  I need to remember that not only am I doing things for my family, I’m doing them because this is what the Lord has given me and I’m, in turn, doing all things for Him.  

I never want to paint my family as a family of perfection who follows the Lord, no matter what.  I wish we were that family, but we aren’t.  We have attitudes, puberty, whining, fighting, smart mouth, wanting to date, finding balance kind of family.  We love the Lord. We want to do what is in line with His will, but we fail, everyday.  On the flip side of that coin, everyday is a new day.  It is a beginning where I need to pray for God to guide me and convict me during every moment of the day.  Will I do that, every morning?  No.  Will I aspire to do that?  Yes.  

Everyday is a new day….make your crazy day count and realize that even when you screw up, you are still loved beyond measure.


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