Reclaiming my life
It has been a ROUGH 2 yrs. I tell Big Daddy that this adoption has, easily, shaved 10 yrs off my life. It was well worth it, my son is worth it, but it took a toll on my life and the life of my family.
My mama says that I’m a lot like my daddy. I have an “emotional closet” and I go in there, put my emotions on the shelf and then shut the door. Then she stated that “one day, your shelves are gonna fall and we all need to look out.” My simple phrase is “I don’t want to talk about it.” I do that to everyone, including Big Daddy and it irritates him and my family. I don’t mean to irritate, but I don’t want to sit and think about the things that have happened and rehash them. To me, it doesn’t do anyone any good. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m told I’m wrong all the time LOL. That’s okay. I’m gonna try and work on that.
My shelves haven’t fallen, yet. But I am aware of the emotions that I have put on them. Through my Wednesday night girls class, I learned that I have everything in me that I pray for. Wisdom, patience, kindness, strength, etc. It was given to me the day I accepted the Lord as my personal Saviour. So there really is no need to pray for God to give me these attributes. I just have to ask Him to help me dig them out of the concrete because He who lives in me, already gave them to me, years ago.
Armed with that knowledge and being aware of the emotions I have stashed on the shelf, I am setting out to live as I should. To be the woman that the Lord has called me to be. To be the wife, the mother, the daughter. I have it in me. I do need the Lord’s help and guidance, though. Digging into the Word and maintaining constant communication with Him is the key to growing. I want to grow in Him. I want to be able to shake the dust off my feet, in certain areas of my life, and walk with my head held high.
This is exciting, it is an exciting time. I’m excited. I’m ready. Maybe it is my age…maybe it is that God has finally chipped the scales off my eyes. I don’t know. I just know that the past is just that, the past. I can’t redo anything or change anything. Tomorrow is not certain, He may decide to break through the clouds tomorrow and claim what is His. I must live for today. I must make today count.
Make your day count.