Ack and Blessings

Really?  This isn’t the time to be feeling sick :/  I do believe, I’m getting a cold, but I refuse to acknowledge that with verbal words.  I woke up this morning with a terrible sore throat, but chalked that up to a fan blowing in my face and being a mouth breather.  I opted for a coke, at 8:30 and at almost 10:30…I still haven’t finished it.  

I have this sinking feeling of sheer exhaustion.  I’m so tired.  The ending of this journey is here.  The tension that has peppered my life for the last 2 yrs is finally taking its toll.  I feel like I could cry, like a big huge ugly cry.  Yet no one to cry too.  I suppose I’ll stick my face in my pillow and let ‘er rip LOL  

I have prayed, I have doubted, I have struggled.  I have had highs and many many lows.  God has revealed so much to me.  In that moment, all I could say was ‘Jesus’ and I didn’t see what He was doing.  Now, that I’m forced to sit and reflect. I can see His hand moving.  He has restored many things.  He has restored my faith, in Him.  He has made me aware that I can be angry with Him and that is okay.  I just need to verbalize that anger and then forgive, though He needs no forgiveness.  His ways are perfect, His timing is perfect.  I am in awe how He has provided for our family beginning with money for our referral.  

I was struggling, deeply, with family issues.  I was blessed to “get away” from the troubles because a dear friend offered to send me to California and see her, after 2 yrs…meet her daughter and her sweet husband.  What a gift.  What a needed respite from the chaos that surrounded me.  It gave me time to be around people who loved me, supported me and prayed, at that time, for me and my family.  The prayers that ensued gave me a peace that surpassed all understanding and it gave me clarity as to what my next step would be.  Her family surrounded me with nerdy love and acceptance.  I was never questioned, I was supported by people I had just met.  In that time, she and her husband blessed us beyond comprehension by providing the money we needed to see a picture of our son.  I was in awe of their continued gift and the fact that they oohed and ahhed over my boy 🙂  I will be forever grateful to Jeni and Teemu for their prayers, love and donation to officially begin my love journey to my son.  To Linda, Tim and Mike…….love you all and thank you all for your support and understanding during such a hard time.  For giving me a place to stay and for allowing me to be ‘adopted’ into your beautiful family.

My story continues, but right now, my boy wants to snuggle and watch a movie.  That is taking precedence over wanting to squall uncontrollably.

To be continued……from the gorgeous country of Ethiopia.


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