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Missing my boy

How is it even possible to miss someone that you’ve never met?  Can it be the same as loving a baby that you are pregnant with?  I remember my first pregnancy and it was a heart felt yearning for seeing what this little person looked like, being able to hold this little person and pour all your love into a being that you’ve never met, you just know that you are carrying within you.

It was almost an ache, the last few months.  Not the ache of pregnancy, but the ache of being *so* ready, so past ready to meet this child.  I loved being pregnant.  The kicks, squirms, hiccups…watching my belly transform before my eyes from normal to completely transformed into a temporary home for my child.

My womb was warm and my kids could feel my emotions, ate what I ate…I nourished this baby, loved this baby, protected this baby.  Nothing could get to her, she was safe and she would fall asleep to the sound of my heartbeat.  Wow, how cool is that!

My son’s temporary home is an orphanage.  He is in a Christian orphanage and I’m hoping that he is loved on.  He eats, when he can eat.  He must share because food is limited in Africa.  I don’t know if he is too warm or too cold, if he has a bed or who protects him.  He doesn’t fall asleep to the lull of calming voices or his mom’s heartbeat.  He left everything that he knew.  He left his village, his birthmom and his siblings.  He was loved by his birthfamily, but due to poverty and illness, she wasn’t able to care for him.  I can not even imagine sacrificing like that.  I believe that God has a special place for those women who selflessly give up their children so they can have a future, a life…..so they can eat, be loved on and make a difference in this world.

I’m never met him, though I love him.  I’ve never heard his laugh, but I smile when I see a picture of him smiling.  I’ve never told him that I love him, yet I would give my life for him.  I’m aching to see him.  Aching to touch him, hold him, feed him, love him and tell him of the sacrifice that his mom made and the ultimate sacrifice that my God made for him in sending His Son to die for him.

If all goes well on Oct. 1 and we pass court, my dh will be meeting our son for the first time that next week.  He will get to hold him, laugh and cry with him and love him, just like the Father loved His Son.  How precious.  Soon, he will be home and we will be in a whole new world.   

Today, I’m missing my son.

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