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Heavy Heart

Heavy Heart.  Today, as I’m looking through blogs on families who have had their “gotcha” days…..my heart just aches. I’m so thankful to God for uniting these families and giving His precious children to their forever homes.

Pondering

I sit and think “when will I meet *my* son”? The fact is is that I love him, so very much.  How is it possible because I don’t even know him. In my mind, he is here, safe, loved beyond measure, and he was chosen. The reality, he is still in his home country. I pray for his safety, his health and for him to be loved, but it just isn’t the same as a mama’s love.

Home study

I’ve completed my home study.  Finally, I’ve sent off the final piece of paper for my dossier.  Also, I’ve sent the dossier fee to my agency.  We are still lacking SO much money.  I wonder…where it will come from? Will I have enough or will it be there, when it is needed? Lots of questions and little answers.

Knowledge

I know that God lights my path, but he does it step by step and not miles down the road. It is faith that will carry me through.  Still, I am human and  I still wonder “when and how.”

So Many Questions

Before, there was a level of frustration. I did and redid my dossier. Now I’m done.  I wait and wonder. What fundraiser should I do? Can I get another loan? Will the grants come through? I found myself turning off the blogs.  Sadly, it was almost too much for me to read. Sometimes, I feel bad because, on the one hand, I rejoice and thank God for these reunions.  Yet, on the other hand…it hurts.

I guess next reunion up is my sister’s! How very exciting to watch another family become whole.

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