Do’s and Dont’s of Courting
After you have established your own Biblical convictions, guidelines and goals, meeting the right person, under the right circumstances is not difficult.
1. Pray and submit yourself to God. Over 80% of all young women want to be married and have a family. You are probably part of the 80%. God wants most young men and women to be married and have a family. Therefore, pray about it. Submit yourself to God and His Word, seek His counsel and pray for Him to lead you to that special one. Then rest in His wisdom and mercy by faith.
2. Widen your circle of opportunities. Be faithful to the services of your home church, but go to as many camp meetings, youth camps, mission trips, and Gospel meetings as you can, not only for their spiritual benefit, but to meet other Christian young people. We have had a number of young couples meet at such places in the last few years. Moreover, God can bring young people of similar interests and backgrounds together at such places. We have had one couple meet on a mission trip to Mexico, several at camp meetings and one at a young adult fellowship.
There was a young man in his third unhappy marriage. Asked where he met his first wife. “In a bar, ” he said. “Where did you meet number two?” I inquired. “l picked her up in the same bar, ” was the answer. Like a fool, I ask about number three. Guess what? It was a different bar. You say, “That is wild far out!” No, that is common. You might be just as sorry if you picked up your wife or got picked up by your future husband at a movie, party or rock concert! Those are all good places to get used, defective merchandise, if that is what you are looking for. 3. Accept and seek introductions. This is another good way to meet someone. In fact it is one of the best ways.
3. Accept introductions. If some sincere brother or sister in the Lord says to you, “There is someone I would like you to meet,” unless it is something other than awkwardness, shyness or embarrassment, accept the invitation. We have had numbers of young couples meet that way. It works! Seek introductions. If there is someone you want to meet, seek an introduction through a third party. It is discreet, polite and effective.
4. Secure the blessings of the parents. Your parents have first and final approval on all the people you are likely to be romantically involved with. Talk it over with them before you get involved. Seek their counsel, approval and blessing. The young man should introduce the young lady to his parents. If further progress is made, the parents should meet and get acquainted.
5. Seek your pastor’s advice. Before you get too serious, seek your pastor’s advice. Pastors often know things even parents do not know. Moreover, most couples seek premarital counseling after the wedding arrangements are already made. It is often too late. I speak from sad experience.
1. Obey all your parents’ rules. Whether you agree or not, obey your parents. God will bless you for it. If the one you are going with tries to get you to break the rules, break the relationship. As long as you obey Dad and Mom, you are under their and under the Lord’s protection If you break the rules you are on your own and open to temptation, danger and harm.
2. Be true to your convictions. Discuss your convictions, standards and goals with the one you are intending to court. Find out where they stand, and let your stand be known. Then agree to help each other keep faith with God, yourselves and your parents.
3. Follow God’s leadership by faith. If everything else is right, but you can not get peace, or you lose God’s peace about a relationship, break it off. It is better to suffer heartache now than a heartbreak later.
A young preacher, who God is blessing, gave me his testimony about his marriage the other day. It went like this. He was called to preach at the age of 14. He had been interested in only one girl all through high school. She was a fine young lady. They had sat together in church for three years, and after graduation they were engaged. This young preacher felt uneasy about the relationship, although it was pure and correct. He asked God to do something for him if she was not the right girl. He asked God to take away all his feelings for the girl if she was not right for him. In other words, he submitted himself, her and the relationship to God. He soon lost all the romantic feelings he had for the girl and broke off the engagement as cleanly and as kindly as he could. A short time later he met the young lady who would become his wife. In talent, temperament, and desires, they are a near perfect match and are deeply devoted to the Lord and each other. As it turned out, the other girl would not have made a pastor’s wife. Following God’s leadership kept the young man and, yes, the girl from an unhappy, unfruitful marriage.
It is so important to get started right. That is more than half the battle. If you get started right, and stay right, the chances are you will marry right and have a life of joy, power and usefulness. Please determine to have God’s best by going God’s way!