COURTING – A Guide
Courting is young adults seeking each other under their parents’ supervision for the purpose of finding a spouse in the will of God.
Convictions are a set of Biblical guidelines, beliefs, and standards that guide the conduct. If you have had nominal Christian up bringing, and especially if you are saved, and have received some Bible teaching, you have some convictions. You have some innate or natural insight into what is right and wrong, and your convictions cause you to lean strongly toward what is right. Your convictions make your conscience sensitive to right and wrong.
PUTTING YOUR CONVICTIONS TO WORK:
1. You must decide WHAT you are going to do. You must examine your convictions, before you ever get serious about anyone of the opposite sex. No doubt, if YOU have received any kind of Biblical training and teaching, you already have enough convictions to keep you out of serious trouble. Before you ever get involved with anyone of the opposite sex, you must decide what you are going to do and how far you are going to go before marriage. Having decided that, you must be willing to submit yourself to a program that will enable you to deepen your God-given convictions. If you think you can do it alone, you are deceiving yourself about one of the most important times of your life!
2. You must decide WHO you are going to go with. We have already given the Biblical guidelines on this point. Remember, under the section we covered on the “Unequal Yoke. ” It is easier to define who not to go out with, than it is who to go with. Make up your mind that you will not go with anyone who violates God’s command against the unequal yoke. Make up your mind that you will not allow yourself to become involved with anyone your parents disapprove of. Make up your mind that you will not go with anyone who violates God’s command against the unequal yoke. Make up your mind that you will not allow yourself to become involved with anyone your parents disapprove of. Make up your mind that you will not consider anyone who will encourage you to compromise your Biblical convictions, violate your Biblical vows or hinder your Christian service. I know a young woman who had a call to be a missionary before she went to Bible College. Therefore, when she got to college she resolved that she would only go with men who were called to the mission field. She kept that resolve despite many attractive invitations. At Bible College, God gave her a definite call to go to New Guinea, From that time on, she restricted her interest only to men called to New Guinea, a very slender group in a small Bible College. However, God was faithful. She met her husband at college at the Missionary Prayer Band when they discovered that they were both praying for the same field. They have made a God-blessed couple! Joy and power radiate from their lives and ministry!. Dr, Don Green says, “One of the most beautiful and romantic things on earth is a young couple, deeply in love with each other and united in an adventure to serve God by faith. ” AMEN
Listen, the very fact that something like I have just related sounds so strange and unappetizing to you is proof of how carnal and shallow you are in the things of God. One of the sorriest, most heart-breaking, life wrecking things you will ever do is marry someone who will keep you out of the will God or make your life of service to Him miserable!
If you are to marry in God’s will, you must court in God’s will. That means never getting involved with anyone:
a. Who will violate God’s command against the unequal yoke.
b. Who does not have your parents’ approval.
c. Who will compromise your service and walk with God.
d. Who you feel convicted about going with.
3. You must decide WHERE you will go when you go out. Before you ever go out you must make up your mind where you will go. You must determine never to go anywhere you or your Biblical convictions are likely to be compromised.
“But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof.” Rom. 13:14) “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (I Thes. 5:22)
Our definition of courting implies a chaperon. That does not mean a double date. The dictionary defines chaperon as “An older person who for propriety accompanies young unmarried people.”
THE DOUBLE DATE
A double date is not a chaperoned outing. I do not want to imply that all or even most Christian couples are planning immorally, but in the right circumstances many will be prone to it. I knew of a situation in which one couple on the double date served as a lookout for the other. Double dating may reduce premarital sex on the double date, but it will not do much to reduce what leads up to it, kissing and petting.
I do not want to part company with you at this point, but to be consistent with what I have said up to now, and to be true to myself, I must say that all courting activities must be supervised and at times that will require a chaperon. When courting is carried on in a church or at church activities, I do not think a chaperon is necessary beyond the normal supervision usually supplied at such meetings. Such meetings are public and usually have adequate supervision as well as ample room for the necessary and proper privacy of the couple. But when the couple goes out on what would usually be classified as a dating activity away from home or church activities, a chaperon is necessary.
The chaperon, by definition, must be an older person. Therefore, a little brother or sister may not be proper. I think a little brother or sister may serve as a watchdog for the couple on certain occasions. But there are times when the courting couple is going to want to go out in a more formal way, say to dinner or a concert or even on a picnic. The chaperon need not be mom or dad, although I have heard more than one dad say, “My daughter can date anytime she wants to, as long as I can go along.” When the courting couple wants to go out in a more formal, romantic way, a responsible, more mature, young married couple can serve, not only as a chaperon, but as good Fellowship. Properly done, all courting activities must be supervised.
If this has irked you and caused you to think, “Man! what a drag, ” it is because you want to date. You are not interested in going out unless there is some opportunity to be intimate. The very fact that you felt the way you did about courting supervision proves my point and proves you need a chaperon.
Now comes the other objection, that I feel may be sincere, but unfounded, “No one will ever want to go with me under these rules. ” The truth is, supervised courting has worked and is working. It is working right now in our church. Many fine young men prefer it because it frees them from much of the pressure, guilt and frustration dating produces. It is much safer for the girls and more wholesome for the couple. Moreover, if the person you are courting does not work out , the wholesomeness of courting will add immeasurably to the excitement of the marriage, the happiness of the home and the strength of the marriage. I will say this one more time, because courting can provide all the privacy a couple needs. The main objections to courting are rooted in rebellion, “No one is gonna’ tell me what..!” or the lust of the flesh, “I am not going to sit around and have someone keep an eye on me!”
I wish it were that most young people could get involved with the opposite sex without serious sexual frustration and compromise, but it is not. You not only need Biblical conviction, you need help in keeping them. Courting will be one of the most important times of your life and you will have few chances to do it right. It may be a sacrifice to do it right, but there is only pleasure in sin for a season. I have made my case for the propriety and necessity of courting. I will rest on it.
“Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed thereto according to thy word.” (Psa. 119:9) “My soul cleaveth unto the dust: quicken thou me according to thy word.” (Psa. 119:25)