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Lessons Learned from Gatlinburg

  • If you are standing under a tree, after a thunderstorm, and you shake said tree for effect, you will get wet.
  • There are 31 CrackerBarrel’s in between Benton and Gatlinburg.
  • Bug said 5,985,375,956 words ON THE TRIP DOWN THERE!
  • Rats on the sidewalk does not constitute wildlife.
  • When you see boxer briefs laying outside your camper, don’t assume it is your husbands and pick them up.
  • When you awning isn’t tied down, it will blow over your camper during a thunderstorm.
  • Pirates DO NOT live in Pittsburgh.
  • Teen girls will cry randomly and without warning.
  • BEWARE: twitterpated animals are everywhere (the ducks beside your camper, the chickadees in the KFC parking lot and even the skunks on exhibit), be prepared to body slam your teenager when she is arguing with the younger 4 children over the fact that the animals are not fighting, they are ____________.
  • Camper upholstery is very ugly, but the fact that it is durable and can stand up to copious amounts of ketchuh makes up for that fact.
  • Yes, there are real indians in the world.
  • If you run out of room in the trunk of your vehicle, feel free to duck tape the remainder of your items on the hood of your car.
  • When searching for a “free” hermit crab be prepared to hear “want crabs?”. It is an innocent question.
  • You will never meet a stranger while camping
  • Urine…it happens……whether in the camper (sans toilet) or off the mountain.
  • Campers will always tell you which rope, knot and tree to use when tying up your children.
  • If you open the gate to the swimming pool, move out of the way, it can cause black eyes.
  • Ducks quack at 3:30 in the morning.
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