Day 1 of Social Media Fast actually began on December 1, 2018, and lasted until December 30, 2018. Since I dedicated December to Jude’s adoption story, January till part of February to Callie’s Lyme Story…I’m just now getting around to posting this series. I’m actually typing this on November 30th LOL. Weird, I know.
Good gracious, this day started out with a bang. Hunter woke up in a mood, which set me in a mood. I will be so thankful when he gets out of my bedroom. Needless to say, it was a tough tough day. There was not a moment when he was not atrocious. There was a lot of time out and going to nap WAY earlier than he usually does. I laid in bed crying. More on that later.
Waking Up Angry
Yes, I woke up angry. Partly because Hunter was being a little (read a lot) challenging. Just sort of set my teeth on edge. Add that to the fact that I had no clean towels or hand towels in the bathroom. I had not even left the bedroom and I was over it.
I turned my phone on and the only thing I checked was email. Since I deleted my social media from my phone, I had no notifications or anything to pass the time. Realize what I said? I just woke up and needed to pass time because I did not want to get up and be a parent. How sad.
Emerging from My Room
I headed downstairs with one tablet I was trying to fix, my regular one to use to grade papers, and my phone in hand. Hunter had not been up 30 minutes before a child began telling me how awful he had been. That yielded the first of a thousand timeouts and multiple screams. Good times.
My knee-jerk reaction wanted to get on my tablets and play around, surf, fix that one tablet, and so on. It was decided to just put everything face down and work on my mantle. I got it all cleaned off, dusted, organized, and everything put away. Next, I moved to my China cabinet. I organized my oils, budgeting envelopes, and cabinets. Then, I moved to my Lady’s desk. It was a mess. I pulled everything out and organized it all. Lastly, I tackled the junk drawer.
While I’m doing all this – never should have gotten this bad – stuff, the kids were doing their chore charts. We opted on doing our monthly deep cleaning. I slathered on some oils and got all my diffusers going so I could lift my crap mood. Last night, I had told Big Daddy that I was aware that I had left the house to just be. My apology was real and sincere. He went from OCD perfectionist wife to slob to just doing enough to get by and hiding the rest.
During the Chaos
While all the cleaning was going on, I let in Chip…the crazy cat. He wanted to eat and most times, he just eats and then walks back outside. Chip is an odd cat. He has never been the same since his twin brother Dale went to live with someone else.
Today, he was off kilter. He behaved much like an asshole today. Chip walked in and attacked another one of my cats. It was loud, ugly, fur flying, and not a joy. I had to tackle him just to keep him from attacking anything/anyone else. Needless to say, that will be the last time he comes in the house to eat.
Due to Hunter’s continued screaming fits, I had had enough and just put him to bed. When I do that, however, he tends to go into a deeper rage destroying things in his path. There have been occasions where he has hurt himself. I’m not sure if his behaviors are due to being 4 or this neurological condition that he has. I know the OCD and some of the rages comes from a series of medications we were told to give him back during his misdiagnosis days.
Maybe I need to forgive in regards to that because I’m still angry.
With this knowledge, I just chose to stay upstairs with him. Part of my “not doing things” around the house life is the bathroom. I just throw things everywhere. When I can’t find something, I just buy another one. Therefore, wasting money. It is a vicious cycle.
Good gracious, there is stuff stuffed everywhere. I found so many essential oils, empty bottles, packets of tissue and dental floss, extra makeup, and so much more. We have 4 shelves in one closet, 4 shelves in another closet, 4 drawers, and 2 cabinets. I found all that was lost plus somethings I wish I hadn’t found. Mainly the little black water bug and a water leak under the sink.
I got quite a bit done before I knew that things were escalating with Hunter. It was horrible. Just so much that I want to wipe from my memory and his. This ended in him in bed and me laying in my bed wailing. This week has been a challenge from Monday to Friday and I had all I could stand.
Releasing my Emotions
It dawned on me that I was INCREDIBLY angry at God. I blamed Him for Hunter’s illness. He created Him and what Hunter has is genetic, therefore, that is a God thing…not a man thing. I screamed, silently. The tears would not stop flowing. The realization was that I had to forgive God and move onto acceptance.
I have not lived in Hunter’s healing because the manifestation has not happened yet. This social media fast has yielded to me facing what I did not want to face. My anger towards my Father. I said a lot of words…most of them were not in Scripture. Thankful is an understatement because if we were not under grace, I would have lost my salvation today.
Admittance of my struggles was one thing that I had to release. It is now “out there” and Light is on it. God is going to work this all out for His glory. Prayer for my unbelief in Hunter’s healing was also spoken. I can talk the talk because I know what I *should* be feeling and saying.
What I needed was a heart/mind/knowledge melding. I do not have that, but I will. God will do all that He promised and He has healed Hunter and He is healing my spirit and my mind.
29 More Days
If today is indicative of the next 29 days…I may become some sort of prophet LOL. I don’t know if my body/mind/children/cats can handle any more revelations. For now, some kids are playing cards, one is sleeping, one is running his motorcycle everyone, 3 are playing some game, and Big Daddy is almost home. I need to cook supper and continue to focus on what needs to be done in all areas of my life.
Onward and Upward.